Erin Marie

Everyone can be an astrophysicist.

Everyone can be an astrophysicist.  All you need to do is work hard, and you’ll get there.  Let’s face it – only quitters aren’t astrophysicists.  If it’s not something that comes naturally to you there’s PLENTY of things you can do help you get there.

Just study harder, for example.  I know it seems obvious, but clearly you’ve never heard it before, otherwise you’d be doing it. Finding the complex mathematics difficult?  Hire a tutor.  Doesn’t matter that it’s expensive and maybe you can’t afford it right now – if that’s what you need to do, then do it.

Still finding it difficult?  Maybe you need to spend more time studying so that you can get there.  What?  You’re already studying every day?  Maybe you need to do more.  And more.  If it requires you to study 12 hours a day in order to become an astrophysicist – that’s what you need to do.  Sure, you won’t have time for your friends or family, and your mental health might suffer, but at least you’ll be getting closer to that goal.

What do you mean you don’t understand why being an astrophysicist should be the ultimate goal for everyone?  Astrophysics is what everyone aspires to, really, even if they say otherwise.  Or it’s what they should want, even if they don’t.  The benefits are amazing – well worth those small sacrifices of well-being and mental health.

I’m so tired of people saying that not everyone has the capacity to become an astrophysicist.  It’s well established now that every single human brain functions in the same way and has the same capacity for intelligent thought.  Do I have any research to back that up?  Well no, not specifically, but everyone knows it.  It’s on the news all the time and my cousin’s best friend’s boyfriend’s sister did a subject in psychology and she told me that essentially everyone’s brain is made up of the same stuff, so obviously it all works the same.  Clearly the problem with the people who don’t become astrophysicists is that they’re quitters.  They’re just not prepared to do the work it takes to get there. They don’t have any pride or self-respect or self-discipline. All they want to do is sit around on the couch watching TV or playing on the internet.  That’s all anyone who isn’t an astrophysicist does.

And at the end of the day, I’m an astrophysicist*, so everyone else must be able to be one too.


*Actually, I’m not an astrophysicist.  I have nothing but respect and admiration for astrophysicists.  It was the first occupation that I thought of that required a highly intelligent, highly trained mind, and I mean no disrespect to anyone in that field.

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  • Nicole Kiser

    lol, I also find it ever so slightly amusing how it’s just assumed you MUST WANT to be an “astrophysicist”. There must be something really wrong with you if you just don’t care about being an “astrophysicist”. It’s the greatest thing in the world to be, and everyone’s doing it (or trying to) so why aren’t you?

    (Btw, hi! Found you through the Fat Nutritionist)

  • Fat Heffalump

    Brilliant piece Erin, will be sharing this one everywhere.

  • Vanessa Love

    You forgot to add, that you became an astrophysicist naturally, with little study and being able to do other things, and you know that it will be the same for everyone.

  • Kirsten

    OMG–I LOVE this!!!! This is classic. You have just made my entire weekend!
    I am printing this out and going to keep a copy on my fridge (for my husband to read whenever he starts his crap about my weight/size and what I’m going to do about it, and maybe even some copies in my purse that I can hand out to all the jerks who seem to think it’s their mission in life to convince me I really really WANT to become an “astrophysicist”! lol
    Because you know, it’s not like I haven’t been “studying” my ass off for years trying to get there. *rolls eyes so hard they lodge in my ears*

  • Meowser

    Heh. I actually thought of this very same analogy the other day, and now I don’t have to write it up, since you did it so well!

  • Anonymous

    The sad thing is, I know (well, online know… I wouldn’t be friends with these sorts if you paid me) people who wouldn’t see why this is unreasonable to demand. Because they honestly do believe that anyone can get any job if they just are willing to apply themselves, and the only possible reason one might not have a bachelor’s degree at least by age 25 is because you are a lazy quitter.

    But then, not sure there IS any argument that could be posited to make these folks see the absurdity of their stance, on anything. It’s just so FUN living in a super conservative, republican military town known for it’s religious fanatics and having the lowest obesity rate in the nation two years running. So, so fun. ::cry::

  • Deeleigh

    Ha. Actually, my first long-term partner was an astrophysicist. He couldn’t find a job in the field, so he’s been a computer programmer for the past 20 years. Sometimes, the Fantasy of Being an Astrophysicist just doesn’t pan out.

  • Mrs Sprat

    This. Is. Awesome.

    (I use a similar argument for why I shouldn’t have to learn how to drive, but this is much better!)

  • Meerkat47

    I did want to be an astrophysicist ;)

  • KellyK


  • Notblueatall

    I love this! Ha-ha!

  • Twistie

    Dear Erin Marie,

    I love you.

    That is all.

  • Erin Marie

    That’s kind of the point isn’t it – that there are people out there who think that because everyone has a brain and a body, everyone’s experience is the same. If you study hard enough, you can be an astrophysicist. If you work hard enough you can not be fat.

    Just because that’s one person’s experience doesn’t make it valid for everyone. I think most people would find this slightly more absurdist than ‘everyone can lose weight’, but, in my opinion, they are equally valid.

  • Erin Marie

    And doesn’t that just illustrate the point perfectly. Even if you reach ‘the ultimate goal’, it doesn’t mean that it’s going to be everything you had planned.

  • Erin Marie

    This made me giggle. Thank you. :)

  • Ariane

    The world would also be a much better place if everyone was an astrophysicist, or at least a physicist of some sort. It would end global warming, poverty and hunger. Governments should do more to make people become astrophysicists.

    Hehehe. I did, in fact, quit being an astrophysicist. Don’t regret that either. In fact, it led to me meet people who have changed my life. This analogy just runs on and on for me!

  • inge

    That made my day. I want to quote it to about a dozen people right now. And to two dozen tomorrow.

  • Shieldmaiden1196

    I’m waiting for that post from a ‘concern astrophysicist’ who says, “Look, Erin, I used to have only a sketchy grasp of quantum mechanics, and I became an astrophysicist, and it wasn’t really even that hard. Calculus is easy, you just have to do it in small amounts and gradually build your understanding of it. ”

  • closetpuritan

    Win. That is all.

  • Kristin Craiglai

    Love it. There’s nothing else to say, just love it.

  • Anonymous

    LOVE. You know it’s funny, with how hard so many try to become “astrophysicists”, you would think the world would be overflowing with them! That’s if it really were easy to be an “astrophysicist”, of course.

  • Miss Katinele

    Excellent post, loved the analogy.

  • Chocorrol_99

    I think there should be something wrong with our educational system, because if you travel to Europe, for example, you will find out that a greater percentage of the population seem to be astrophysicists. The difference is such, that it hits you in the phase as soon as you step down from the plane. Also, the proportion of astrophysicists has been decreasing as decades pass in this country. Are we dumber or work less hard than our parents and grandparents? Developing countries whose educational systems have been in place for ages, where most of the population used to be astrophysicists have less and less of them as our educational systems and study habits enter and influence those countries. Are they better than us?

  • Marisa

    This is awesome.

  • Jasmine

    How would this analogy work for someone who wanted to learn a new language? 12 hours a day of studying? Some people just call that total immersion. Sure I may not become as fluent as a native, but that doesn’t mean I won’t pick up any of it. At the very least, I can cut corners and just learn some phrases to get by. The ratio of effort in: results is different for everyone, but it doesn’t change the fact that you need to put effort. It all depends on how much you want to accomplish and how far you want to go.

    For instance, I wanted to lose 20 lbs and am about 2/3′s there with no intention of stopping. However, I didn’t care for astrophysics and thus only about 1/3 of my physics minor was completed with astrophysics courses. 

  • closetpuritan

    How would this analogy work for someone who wanted to learn a new
    language? 12 hours a day of studying? Some people just call that total

    Uh, the analogy would work exactly the same. Surely you don’t think that spending 12 hours a day on language-learning, or on weight loss, is reasonable in the long term for most people? Some of us have work to do and/or children to take care of, and even if I were retired I’m pretty sure that wouldn’t want to do something that took 12 hours a day unless I really loved it. And by the way, being partway through losing twenty pounds is the equivalent of learning a few phrases in your language analogy. (You’ll probably forget those phrases in less than five years, too.)

  • kate

    omg i love it! thank you! xx

  • Samantha

    Everyone can be skinny.  All you need to do is work hard, and
    you’ll get there.  Let’s face it – only quitters aren’t skinny.  If it’s not something that comes naturally to you
    there’s PLENTY of things you can do help you get there.

  • closetpuritan

    Poe’s Law kicked in with your comment, Samantha. But I’ve decided that your comment has GOT to be a parody. “Only quitters aren’t skinny,” heh. Only quitters don’t illogically repeat the same behavior over and over, expecting different results! Only quitters don’t think that they’re special and will succeed despite a 95% failure rate for other people!

  • Turamber

    God you people are retarded. It is true that not everyone on earth can have the body of a god or be an olympic athlete etc. But that shouldn’t stop you from aspiring to live in a healthy fashion at a reasonable weight. Take it from somebody who is moderatly fit, if you just ate a well rounded diet that contained around your BMR in calories or under in the event you wanted to lose weight (500 less equals one pound/ half a kilo per week) and got around half an hour to an hour of cardio a day, you wouldn’t see drastic weight loss but after a year or two it would add up and you would see great results. The problem with “dieting” is that they are simply unrealistic as you have to cut out x or y food group which is impossible over the long run.

  • Star

    stop making fucking excuses fatty, you’re fat for a reason. you’re lazy.

  • Star

    95% failure rate for exercising and not eating shit? are you fucking retarded? fatties always have to make the shittiest excuses for not getting off their lazy fucking asses and doing something. you’re fat, don’t try to sugarcoat it, because you’ll eat that too.

  • closetpuritan

    Translation: “I don’t understand what you’re talking about, therefore YOU must be stupid! Also, I will throw in typical troll vocabulary such as ‘fucking’ and ‘retarded’ and ‘fucking retarded’, just in case you weren’t sure that I was a troll! God, I sound like an example of that there Poe’s Law you were just talking about!”

  • Chloe

    I’d love to become an astrophysicist but someone on another website said so many things that really upset me and made me lose faith in my ambition. I have so much passion for astronomy and astrophysics but someone on another website said that you need a horrendous amount of calculus qualifications and stuff.

  • Orange County Bail Bonds

    Nice Post Erin Marie

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