Food Police..they’re everywhere!

I simply had to share with you a strange encounter of the “food police” kind I had today…

I was sitting at Flinders St station, snacking on a piece of cheese. I’d had an early lunch, and dinner was hours away, and it was exactly what I felt like. It was Jarlsberg, thinly sliced, and totally delicious. I was eating it slowly, savouring each bite.

A woman came and sat next to me, and said quietly “Cheese has an awful lot of fat in it.”

I said.. “Excuse me?!”

She repeated herself.. “Cheese has an awful lot of fat in it.”

I said (rather sarcastically, I admit) “Yeah, I know! Thanks! Would you like some?”

She SHUDDERS. I am not kidding. A visible shudder, and a vigorous shaking of the head accompanies “OH, no, I don’t eat cheese. That’s why I’m not fat.”

At this point I give her what’s known amongst my associates as the “Stare O Death”. It can stop a screaming toddler in their tracks, and make even the most arrogant teenager’s blood turn to ice in their veins. It did make her pause. But not stop.

She says.. “I’m just concerned….”

I have to admit, dear readers, that it was the end of a very long and tiring day, and I was not in the mood for any hassling, so I let her have both barrels.

“Concerned? For my Health?” say I… She nods, and is about to launch into the rest of her speech, when I hold up my hand.

“Wait..” I say, “Are you a doctor? No, actually, that’s irrelevant. Are you MY doctor? I’m pretty sure I’d remember if you were. To be honest, if you’re in the habit of giving unsolicited, unqualified nutritional advice to complete strangers, it’s YOUR health I’d be concerned about.”

And then I ate my cheese in stony silence, as she sat there gaping like a fish. After a few seconds, she got up and moved away from me and my evil cheese eating ways, no doubt to go hassle some other poor sod down the other end of the platform.

some people… y’know? Sheesh.

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  • ErinAree

    Holy Cheeseballs Batman! The sheer audacity of the woman!

    It’s things like this that make me remember that there are so many people in the world who are so afraid of looking at themselves that they would rather pass judgement and ‘help’ other people.

    P.S. Cheese is awesome.

  • Nicholas Perkins



  • Nicholas Perkins


    Where do these people get off? Do they think fat people should just QQ from life? It doesn’t work like that.

    And just walk up and provide some advice on cheese eating? It’s not like you were shoving it in HER face.

  • Omega

    well, I did offer her some!! She seemed so interested!! :D

  • Omega

    I know, right? It’s hard to place yourself in the mindset of someone who thinks that would be an okay thing to do…

    you’re right. Cheese IS awesome. I promise I’ll keep on eating it. :)

  • catspyjamas


  • Kimberpotamus

    Fuck yeah!

    You’re awesome.

  • Anonymous

    I have to say, you’re much more eloquent than I would have been in the same circumstance. I’m pretty sure I’d just have sat there, open-mouthed like a fish.

  • Deanna

    The NERVE! Oh my days…good for you for putting her in her place :)

  • Caity

    OMFG! WIN to you, and what a LOSER she is! The NOIVE!

  • Anonymous

    Oh god. You’re so much more eloquent and put together than I would have been. I doubt I’d have had the capacity for anything other than a weak, “fuck you”. It’s shitty as it is to get that kind of crap from friends and family members, but total strangers? Where do people seriously get the entitlement badge for that kind of shit? Jesus.

  • Notblueatall

    Good for you! That’s exactly what I feel the need to say at times, but always stick to manners and socially exceptable excuses. I would prefer your approach any day !

  • Twistie

    Ye gods and little purple fishes! Good on you for squashing that interference quickly and efficiently.

    How often do we have to remind people that you don’t know what’s going on in a complete stranger’s body? For all she knew, your doctor could have essentially prescribed cheese to you for some sort of vitamin deficiency. It might have been your only source of protein. It might have been the only thing you’d had to eat all freaking day long.

    Random strangers acting as food police need a tall glass of shut the heck up.

  • Anonymous

    Sometimes you really have to wonder about people.

  • Anonymous

    Oh, I love your answer! I do. It’s the answer I’ve always wanted to give myself (lack of opportunity rather than lack of spine). Thank you for saying it.

    And yeah. Some people.

  • piggisoo

    Sorry but anybody who says stuff like that to a stranger is a total nut-job. Sane humans don’t make comments like that. I do think we tend to forget that these type of people and bullies are not happy, healthy humans but are in reality deeply damaged individuals who lack proper social skills.

  • Ankrhe

    “Cheese has a lot of fat in it!”
    “No way? Concrete is hard and grass is green!”

    I like your comebacks better though. Man, what an asshole that woman is.

  • Jenna

    Funny… seeing as how data now shows that the low fat craze causes people to gain weight as they grab onto simple easily storable sugars. Newsflash crazy lady, fat in food does not equate fat in body! In fact eating fat in food causes a greater satiety and helps to stabilize insulin levels from simple sugars. People should get off the low fat, non fat stuff… really. “Crazy skinny…cheese is for chicks!”

  • Beclove22

    This woman was either very very stupid or incredibly rude! either way she has truly demonstrated her inability to behave in a socially acceptable manner making her the deviant and you the normal person. I would have spat the cheese at her and then done the truffle shuffle (aka Chuck from the Goonies) to scare her away but that’s just me…..I am deviant :)

  • Mendrik

    try sports next time, fatty

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