Activist Fatigue.

So things have been pretty quiet around the Axis of late. I speak only for myself, not the other members, when I say that I am exhausted.

The constant barrage of negative messages, encouragement of self-hate, fat hatred, body hatred, you name it – it is so hard to keep one’s head above water when fighting this kind of thing. And I’m tired. I have recently changed jobs, and will probably be changing again soon. I’ve moved house. I’ve been supported my sister during the split from her partner (which involves children and domestic violence, amongst other things). I am worn out, and there is only so much headspace I can devote to fighting the good fight without drowning in the negativity.

I find myself thinking diet-y thoughts. Self-hating thoughts directed at my body, chastising it, maligning it. And I don’t like it. It’s an uphill battle that never gets easier, but I’m trying.

So I’m taking care of myself. I’m buying pretty clothes. I’m looking for new ways to exercise and to enjoy that exercise. I’m eating good food that I have the luxury to able to afford. I’m reading books. I’m studying Japanese. I’m playing videogames.

I’m giving myself permission to take a break. And if the world is getting you down, or your activism is becoming too draining? You should too. Rest, recharge, and come back to it. Rest assured, it doesn’t look like fat hatred is going to disappear while you’re gone.

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  • GimliGirl

    This is excellent advice and I'm glad you're following it for your self. I hope things get a little easier, especially for your sister and her kids.

  • erylin

    i am SO in that same place right now…i ahvent blogged in about 3 weeks now…it just gets so exhasting…i feel like i am fighting the whole world just so i can feel “normal” in my own skin. Hopefully this spring will recharge me i surely need it.

  • Twistie

    I'm glad you're taking your own advice. This is a long, hard struggle and we all need to take time to take care of ourselves between battles. Besides, it sounds as though you've got an awful lot on your plate. Kudos to you for recognizing the diet-y thoughts as a challenge to be faced and overcome. Take care of yourself, take care of your sister. We'll all still be here when you're ready to come back to us. Just be sure to check in once in a blue moon so we know you're doing okay.

  • wellroundedtype2

    I so hear you. I end up with such a skewed perspective, since the majority of people I encounter in a day are way, way more reasonable than the fat-haters out there.
    You are amazing, and thanks for everything you do.

  • everyonebutsix

    I'm a new reader to Axis of Fat – found my way here through a link from The 23rd Down-Under Feminist Blog Carnival, via Twitter. I read all the links, but kept finding myself coming back here to read more from all the Axis members.
    I've never read much on fat acceptance (should I capitalise that?) before, so it's been an eye-opener. I just wanted to say how much I'm enjoying the writing here and how pleased I am to be able to add a few more names to my mental list of Kick-Ass Women.
    I'll be eagerly awaiting the next blog entries, when you're feeling recharged enough to write again.

  • April D

    Such a good reminder “Rest, recharge and come back to it.” Sadly you're correct that it doesn't look like the fat hatred will somehow melt away anytime soon. I think maybe this feeling of fatigue it is even a blog cycle to go through; I feel much the same lack of blogging energy right now. Maybe it is part of a cyclical process with highs and lows of willingness to analyze and critique all of the injustice and pure vitriolic hatred out there and you (and I, and others) are at one of those low points now.

    And I love Japanese! I've forgotten many times over what I still remember but would love to get back to it after getting this degree finished this year! Best of luck and happy recharge!

  • elizabeth

    thank you, yes. rest and self-love as much as possible.
    I hope things settle a little and you are able to feel a bit more vibrant.

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