Posts Tagged ‘feelings’

As a male member of the Fat Acceptance community and as a blogger on this site, I have been contacted by the media to talk about fat acceptance or being fat in general. I’m more than happy to agree to these requests where I’m sure that it isn’t just a chance to put down fat people for being fat. I have no interest in helping the media reinforce the negative perceptions which were created by the media in the first place.

People have commented on how confident I sound and how I have the capacity to communicate my points clearly and in an manner that is easy to understand. It probably comes as a surprise then to learn that I actually have problems speaking on the phone or in person with people I don’t know. I’m hopeless at face to face communication with someone I don’t know when it is a social situation. If I don’t have to do it, I don’t seem to do very well at it.

Perhaps then it is my passion for Fat Acceptance and how strongly I believe in it. It’s because of my unwavering belief in myself and those around me. Let me tell you this is wrong. Very wrong. Very recently I’ve been struggling a bit with how I feel about my body. It’s very easy in these times to fall back to old habits and believe that all my problems are because I am fat, and therefore weight loss is the solution.

Yesterday I was in the chemist and they have a weight loss program that they run there. I saw the after picture of the lady who had completed the program and she seemed so happy with herself. I want that happiness, so surely by drinking nothing but shakes and losing 75+kg I’m going to be just as happy as her.

Somehow I doubt it.

Happiness comes from within a person. How many unhappy people do you know who aren’t fat? Does the height of a person affect their happiness? What about their race? Does the fact that I was born in November mean that I’m more or less happy than Natalie, who is born in December? Think about it for a minute instead of sprouting the rote learned answers that the media/your friends/your parents/society have conditioned you to have.

I’m not a psychologist. In fact, I struggle to spell the word correctly without a spell checker. If I asked you to think about what makes you happy and unhappy, you would find two things (or at least I did). I feel happy or unhappy when a) someone does something/something occurs/something external to me makes me feel happy or unhappy or b) when I think something/feel something/something internal makes me feel happy or unhappy.

Being fat doesn’t make me happy or unhappy. People’s reactions/thoughts/words about me being fat make me happy or unhappy. How I perceive the fact that I am fat make me happy or unhappy. And really since you have to process the external stuff as well as the internal stuff, it’s how you process it that determines how you feel about it.

“Wha? It’s all my fault that I’m unhappy? Should I just accept being discriminated against?” No. But you decide what you feel about it.

I can decide to feel sad and retreat inside myself. Alternatively I can calmly explain to the person why I think they are incorrect in whatever they’ve said (or done). There will be times where I just decide that the person isn’t going to get it, so I choose to not waste more time and more on. I can remain happy because I realise within myself that I am fat and that this doesn’t mean I need to be unhappy or feel inferior and that is all that really matters.

Sometimes I will not feel happy about being fat. It’s true that society is designed around the “normal sized” person, whatever that is. There are things that I want to do that I physically can’t because the designer has said “Thou shalt not be fat.” Other times, I’ll just feel fug in my clothes and blame being fat, instead of raising up against the fashion designers who decide that a tent is perfect for a fat man to wear to work.

But it doesn’t make me any less committed to the Fat Acceptance movement. Sometimes you have to fall over, feel like crap and then get up again. It doesn’t mean you failed.

It means you’re human.