I’m fat without the ph, but you can determine my acidity baby.
Thursday, July 23rd, 2009
Tiara linked me to a post on Agent Lover wherein the heroine of the piece thought she’d slap the wrist of a fellow blogger who included her pictures in a “Fat Love Friday” post without permission. Mars from Chicken Dinner Candybar apologised and offered to remove the photos, but this offer was not taken up. I’ll blog about this since Marie from Agent Lover thought it was fair enough to bring into the public sphere, and because I have a few important issues to raise. Like my fist, as I shake it into the sky.
Sort your shit out privately.
It’s not “brave” to have a whinge about this when you’ve already dealt with the author of the “offending” post. What’s your intention? Publically shaming Chicken Dinner Candybar by directing your readership over there isn’t very mature. Your large readership could now very well have a negative bias towards the “offending” blogger and a strengthened bias against the notion of fatness. That shit is for Livejournal, dear Maude!
That isn’t the way to spread body acceptance.
I’m not sure body acceptance even registers as an issue for Agent Lover, because she admits that “fat” is a negative word. The fat-o-sphere has been around the internet for a few years, plus yannow, we’re fat so we’re super visible! As a blogger, Marie must have some powerful blinders on. The fat-o-sphere doesn’t just encompass fat people either – there’s a range of body types blogging about the topic and these authors self identify as “fat allies”, “inbetweenies”, “deathfatties” and other titles using fat with and without the ph.
Fat isn’t a pejorative to a lot of people.
“No matter how many times anyone tries to empower the word, the word fat ain’t going to be thought of as positive unless it’s spelled with a PH, ok?”
I guess I missed that memo. A lot of us did. The tricky thing about saying “never” is that one day you’re going to have to eat your hat. Chicken Dinner Candybar obviously considers fat to be a positive word, she blogs about it at least every Friday! The thing Marie forgot to take into consideration was context. If my pictures were posted all over a site that obviously talked disparagingly about fat, I would not only email them but spread my wrath throughout the bloggerverse. That’s not what happened here. While Marie has every right to be upset, she does not have the right to decree that other people can’t ever empower fatness.
Personally, I hate it when people use euphemisms for fat. Fluffy, BBW, curvaceous – they all make me cringe. I’m fat, I’m empowered and I’m doing pretty well, thanks very much!
You put your picture on the internet.
You have very little control over where it goes from there, or what people associate with your body. In this case it well-intentioned but poorly received. It could have been way worse. I post my photos on FUCKYEAHDEATHFATTIES and I’ve seen some very nasty comments as people reblog my photos. But you know what? I suck it up, because I know I’m fucking fancy!
You don’t just see a fat person’s style, you see their body too.
Don’t negate it, and don’t pretend it doesn’t exist. If style was the most visible thing about people, many of us would be walking down catwalks. The truth is that body shape is a HUGE FACTOR and denying that it’s a political battlefield is tantamount to plugging your head in the sand and showing everyone your pantaloons.
Whether one self identifies as fat or not, one does not have the right to declare unilaterally that fat is a negative word for absolutely every body. We’ve been conditioned to accept certain words (and indeed body types!) as positive or negative, and it’s really important to understand that human thoughts and prejudices aren’t set in stone. We can gradually accept a notion that challenges our conditioning by being open and asking questions and participating – not by digging into the ground, crying offense and refusing to grow.
There’s a learning curve to fanciness!
Saturday, July 18th, 2009
You know, for a long time I was very disdainful of fashion. Looking back, it was probably a combination of resentment that I couldn’t fit into clothes that were fashionable, and a sense that I was a nerdy girl and thus ‘not allowed’ to be fashionable.
To which I now say: BULLSHIT. Anyone can be fancy, in their own way. It’s just a matter of finding your style.
[img_assist|nid=41|title=|desc=|link=popup|align=left|width=79|height=100]I posted my first Ootfit of the Day (OotD) on the Fatshionista Livejournal community around January 2008 (I can’t find the exact date). Not much, is it? It was the middle of winter, and my body was still learning to cope with a Japanese winter. I’m wearing a tomato red turtleneck from Japanese store Uniqlo, and old cream turtleneck from Ezibuy (an Australian catalogue shop), a black top from Uniqlo (which I still have and love), a pair of jeans from a Japanese plus-size store, and socks. No accessories, no shoes, taken in a dirty mirror – the only thing going for it really is my awesome haircut.[img_assist|nid=42|title=|desc=|link=popup|align=right|width=49|height=101]
It’s interesting that some things here have stayed the same: I love layering, especially long sleeves under short, and I have a pretty similar haircut. What’s happening is I’m learning, and taking photos of yourself is a huge step towards accepting your body, and deciding what sort of styles you really enjoy and are comfortable in.
In this outfit, which I’m not sure of the date, but is a similar timeframe, I’ve discovered dresses. I’ve seen a lot of members in Fatshionista wearing dresses, and have decided to try breaking out of my top-and-jeans rut. The dress is from Jump, an Australian brand stocked at department store David Jones. I’m wearing a necklace in this one, but I’m clearly still working on the ‘co-ordinated outfit’ thing. Still loving my hair![img_assist|nid=43|title=|desc=|link=popup|align=right|width=61|height=100]
Here’s where I start to get my fancy on! I’ve discovered the concept of accessories, particularly scarves and earrings. I’m still having a love affair with scarves, actually. Tell me your favourite place to buy fancy scarves! This particular outfit features a thrifted dress, a random black top, sunglasses by Christian Dior, scarf from a random Japanese boutique, and coloured tights from We Love Colors, a fabulous site that sells opaque tights in heaps of colours.
From here, I pretty much go nuts trying to find the style that suits me. Ultimately, I love dresses and skirts, particularly of the knee-length a-line or pencil variety. I’m still not sure if belts work for me, but my love for scarves will probably never abate, and I’m a big fan of interesting (yet comfortable) shoes.
A couple of my favourite outfits! Featuring the first thing I ever bought from a Fatshionista sales post, which are a great way for antipodean fats to get hold of US and UK clothing at a reasonable price. The first photo features a tunic is from Maurices via a sales post, cropped cardigan from Japanese store We Go, and boots from Japanese shoe store Washington. (How amazing is it that I was able to find gorgeous wide-calf boots in Japan?!
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Number two is a black top from 1626 via Natalie’s clothing swap, grey high-waisted skirt from Dorothy Perkins (shop review to come!), and shoes from Marui, a Japanese department store. And the last is what I wore to work on Thursday, as today outfit of jeans and a jumper for casual Friday was not very fancy! Dress by Mlle Gabrille via Alight.com, sweater from Uniqlo, ribbon stolen from another skirt, jacket from Basque Woman (Myer), tights from Jinnee (Japanese plus-size store) and shoes by Naot.
I hope this gives readers a bit of insight into how the Axis of Fat members get their fanciness on, and in future posts there’ll be handy-dandy shop reviews, and some vlogging to help you all reach the fancy lady or man inside!
Anna Scholz’s Fall/ Winter Looks
Friday, July 17th, 2009
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Today I saw Gabi at Young, Fat and Fabulous post about Anna Scholz’s latest looks from the Fall/ Winter collection, and while I’m not typically into consuming commercial looks, a few of the outfits were amazing and pretty much me! There’s no way in hell I could usually afford an Anna Scholz garment, and the site doesn’t ship to Australia anyway, but it’s nice to dream… isn’t it? I really need a sassy black dress like that, and a lovely coat to keep out the chilly Brisbane wind right now!
My outfits, let me show you them
Friday, July 17th, 2009
I really want to get into some kind of habit of posting “outfit of the day” (OOTD) shots. First though, I think I need to catch you up on what I like to wear. I don’t like wearing polyester-chiffon, see-through blouses, or anything stretchy simply for the sake of hiding my body; I do like simple lines and layering, textures and surfaces, prints and colours. For me, fashion is joyful and expressive and I like to be able to dress for the occasion and reflect my feelings about the day or night ahead in what I’m wearing. Sometimes I can be conservative, but a lot of the time I just like to have fun. Depending on the brand, I range from AU size 20-24; in my overseas sizing experience I can be a US 22-26 and UK 24-26. My belly sticks out – I often say that I’m more frontal than I am “sidal”, and as a result I think I do try to find clothes that don’t draw attention to my belly. In the past I have been asked by strangers if I am pregnant (to which I answer “no I’m just fat”). I tend to either wear tops that sit at the top of my thighs, or skirts and belts at my natural waist – which is quite high.
I’m hoping to post at least weekly recaps of my outfits, but consider this a little retrospective of my favourite (photographed!) outfits of the last few months.
Top: City Chic (back when it was Big City Chic, ooaah)
Belt: City Chic
Skirt: $2 at the Valley Markets in 2002
Shoes: Softspots (so comfy!) via Shoebuy.com
Rad sparkly guitar brooch: mother in law
Cardigan: Kmart
Shirt: Target (has cute neckline + tiny collar!)
Jeans: 1626 (now Autograph)
Shoes: Novo
Bag: Sachi (Myer brand)
Scarf: crocheted for me by my Mother-in-law
Hair: needing styling but I couldn’t be bothered
Dress and belt: Yours Clothing
Awesome wet-look tights: Yours Clothing
Shoes: Novo
Scissor fingers: Jazz dancing lessons in my youth
Top: Bonds
Dress: Evans
Tights: We Love Colors
Shoes: Softspots
Shirt: Target (a men’s shirt that doesn’t fit my husband)
Vest: Yours Clothing
Jeans: Smile Land (Japanese brand – Zoe bought these for me when she was over there)
Cardigan: Target
Hat: Crocheted by me!
Shoes: Evans
Glasses: Giant Vintage
I have quite a few new clothes from Yours Clothing and Evans (including THE domino dress!) and quite a few places to wear them in the next few weeks, so I am reminding myself to be diligent in outfit photoing so I can report back to the Axis!
Tell me about your fashion style in the comments!
From Diet Misery to Self-Acceptance
Saturday, July 11th, 2009
(Note: May be triggering for some readers – diet/weight loss/self-harm).
I have a rather shocking confession to make. Brace yourselves.
I am fat, and happy with my body.
I don’t mean fat in the sense of “wah wah oh I can pinch more than an inch oh woe is me”, while dramatically flinging my hand against my forehead and waiting for all my friends to chime in and bolster my self-esteem by decrying my tirade of hating myself. Fuck that noise.
I mean in the sense that I regularly wear plus-sizes (generally an 18-20, for the curious), have a protruding, bifurcated belly, and for medical purposes, fall somewhere between obese and morbidly obese.
Becoming at ease with my body has not been an easy journey. I’ve been fat for as long I can remember – always stockier than my slender primary-school friends, wearing a size 16 in girl’s clothing, and knowing deep down that I should be ashamed, and finally, when I was twelve years old, subjecting myself to Weight Watchers.
[img_assist|nid=21|title=Circa age fifteen|desc=|link=none|align=right|width=262|height=400]At the time, I weighed 79 kilograms, or about 175lbs. I dieted myself down to 70 kilograms (154lbs), but given that I’m only 5’4” tall, the goal listed on my little purple diet booklet suggested I should be around 67kg maximum. Maybe I would have got there, maybe I wouldn’t have, but I moved interstate, got a job working at McDonald’s, stopped playing netball, focused all my efforts on staying home and studying…
Yeah, I gained the weight back. And a little more, just for spite.
My life became a constant push-and-pull with my body. In high school, I remember fantasising about slicing my stomach off. I used to stand in front of the mirror and tell myself how fucking ugly I was. I actually slapped myself in the face once, after eating a slice of cake.
In grade eleven, I started walking for over an hour every day before school, eating half an apple for breakfast, purging my lunch, and picking at my dinner. I stopped purging because I was worried about ruining my teeth, but the compliments as I got slimmer and slimmer (and tired and pale and irritable and stressed and…) were so satisfying.
The shame I felt when my mother made my formal, or prom outfit, as she measured my waist and pursed her lips and shook her head, was overwhelming. I looked amazing that night. So many people told me how great I looked. All I could think was that I weighed 85 kilograms, having finally given up on the restrictive dieting while I was studying so hard for university entrance.
University is a bit of a blur. I found a boyfriend, something I was convinced would never happen because I was so disgustingly fat. I went on naturopath diet, something horrible, where she wanted me to basically be a vegetarian (no hating on vegos here, but goddammit, I love my meat). My life was a swing of highs and lows, solely centred on whether I lost or gained weight each week.
I went on a medical diet program in my final year. At the beginning, the doctors did an EKG, blood sugars, cholesterol, liver enzymes. They were noticeably surprised that all my levels were normal, and that my blood pressure was perfect. Throughout the six month program, I lost very little weight, although I went to the gym for up two hours every day. I burst into tears at the last appointment. All that had happened was that my blood sugars and liver enzymes had improved, though they were good to start with.
I went on my last diet in January 2008. A local chemist here has a meal-replacement diet; because I was working in an office, I found it very easy to stick to, and lost about 9 kilograms in five weeks. Then I moved to Japan. Of all the places one might expect to find peace with their body, Japan would be pretty low on the list. It’s an image-obsessed culture, where the cult of thin is possibly even more entrenched than it is in the West.
But there was something about it. Maybe it was the fact that my Japanese wasn’t good enough to consume the local media, so all the fat-hatred went straight over my head. Maybe it was the fact that I knew I was going to stand out for a multitude of reasons, my fat being just one of them. Maybe it was the surprising number of compliments I seemed to receive on my clothing. Maybe it was the sweet Japanese man I ended up dating for a significant portion of the time I was there, and who seemed to adore my body. Maybe it was the fact that I was homesick for Western food and didn’t care if I gained weight because I was already massively obese by Japanese standards anyway. Maybe I was just tired of fighting.
We take these bodies of ours for granted, so much of the time. They move us around, with or without assistance from aids, they house our minds and hearts, they protect us. And yet every day we treat them with utter disdain, even hatred, as they refuse to conform to the exceedingly narrow standards society has written for us.
I discovered size acceptance, the radical notion of accepting, even loving yourself at any size. I pored over Shapely Prose, The Rotund, Fatshionista.com and many more, absolutely astonished that people my size and bigger could be genuinely happy with themselves. After so long railing against it, calling it names and even physically abusing it, I wanted not to hate my body.
It’s not easy, and don’t let anyone try and tell you it is.
[img_assist|nid=22|title=Outift of the day, July 3rd 2009|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=300|height=400]I love to dress well, and I relish the compliments I receive on the clothes I wear, remembering how I used to hide in bust-compressing sports bras, baggy men’s shirts and capri pants. I wear makeup, or don’t wear it, as the fit takes me. I look to other fat people – Beth Ditto of The Gossip, Lesley Kinzel of Fatshionista, and more, for inspiration and help when the overwhelming message of fat hatred overtakes me.
I returned from Japan in April of this year, knowing that I would be thrown back in the media hysteria of obesity, the constant barrage of ‘fat is bad’ messages and the knowledge that every day will be always be a fight. Not a fight to force my body into the thin ideal, but the fight against such a pervasive message of fat hatred.
I no longer diet. I don’t purge or restrict my eating. I eat with joy and delight for the taste of food, sharing it with the people I care about, and nurturing my body. I don’t exercise for two hours every day, but move when I have the time, the inclination, and the ability to do so.
I wrote this not just as an introduction, but as a cathartic exercise to lay down in print how the misery and hopelessness of body hatred doesn’t have to be a part of my life, or of yours. Fat, thin, or anywhere in between, treat your body with respect. It’s a cliché, but it’s true – this body is the only one you’ve got, so you might as well give it the love it deserves.
I’m proud to be a founding member of the Brisbane Axis of Fat, where we acknowledge how inherently subversive it is to chill with your fat body, and are fucking upfront about it.
The Fat Dollar, Beth Ditto and hipsters: oh my
Saturday, July 11th, 2009
Around 10 years ago, the first hipsters (as we now know them) dragged themselves out of the post-grunge ooze. As a borderline Gen X/Yer I saw it happen – on the internet. Being interested in identity and styling, I observed the unfolding and blossoming of the iPod clutching, skinny jeans wearing individuals who were far more rooted in Gen Y entitlement than I. I remember not having a CD player, and how we’d go without music for months at a time because Dad refused to buy a new needle for our record player because we were “too rough” with it when we played his albums. I still don’t have an iPod, however Nick purchased his first just last month. I was an observer of hipster culture because I was fat, and I was not considered part of the demographic, because I was just this much <—> too fat to fit into straight sizing. My styling was heavily influenced by riot grrl bands and tough girls, so I sourced clothing from op shops and made a lot myself.
At about the same time (2001) I started getting involved in Fat Acceptance (FA) – also online. In Australia the movement would be non-existent until years later (does it exist yet? I know of a few bloggers and one academic – is that it?!) I used message boards with an ex-boyfriend, but the attitude towards fat was mostly to fetishise it, something I wasn’t entirely comfortable with. I am probably what people call a prude. Nevertheless, the idea that a group existed that didn’t completely reject fat people or negate their feelings or rights as human beings; well, it made me want to be a part of it. Time ticked on, Torrid broke up with its slender goth best friend Hot Topic, and I found more online communities that dealt with fat in revolutionary, even controversial, ways.
One was an ironic take on ratings communities (which I won’t name here) that was as shrill and biting as the communities it sought to mock – in fact many applicants even to this day consider the application process to be completely serious. Despite whatever reputation it developed, I found many friends there who I have kept to this day; we’ve actually bonded on lots of different levels – humour, fashion, creativity, etc. The next community I found was Fatshionista – which was challenging, frustrating and eye-opening; I’m still adjusting my consciousness due to its influence on me even though I’ve been wading around in it for about four years. I knew fashion was political, but I didn’t know just how political. I learnt about my own white privilege, as well as my own looks privilege and all the other privileges I have access to. In the beginning, I just wanted to talk about fashion; I had no idea just how deep the issues ran.
[img_assist|nid=16|title=What I wore today - 02/07/09|desc=|link=none|align=left|width=267|height=360]As a result, I style myself with incredible awareness these days. I mostly source my clothing from overseas because Australia’s plus size clothing is ridiculously awful. I refuse to believe that my Fat Dollar is only good for buying weight loss snake oil so instead I send my Fat Australian Dollars to the UK and the US where I can find clothing to style myself in the manner that I like. Sure, it sucks not being able to go into a brick and mortar store and buy up anything I like, but I appreciate how much extra consideration I give to styling my identity when I have to consider currency exchange, international sizing and shipping.
When one of the FA movement’s poster girls, Beth Ditto, announced that she’d be collaborating with Evans (a UK plus size clothing store) it sent many fatties into a tizzy. Yeah, I was one of them. Ditto gets a lot of shit; I think it’s due to hipster backlash, just quietly, but I respect her Spanx-exposing hijinx because I am that prudish fat girl. A woman does not have to be ladylike, nor does she have to be well behaved – and that assumption of ladylikeness seems to not only to extend to fat women, but to smother them. I struggle with my femininity and what’s expected of me but when I observe explicit directions for fat women to dress or behave a certain way – it makes me even more uncomfortable. I am not a woman who likes to be told what she can or cannot look like.
[img_assist|nid=17|title=Beth Ditto for Evans|desc=|link=none|align=right|width=376|height=240]I don’t know what makes me classify Beth Ditto as a hipster – I feel a lot of irony in her waters. The collection reclaims some of the awful body hiding plus size fashions of the 80s but everything is just drawn a lot… tighter. Via Twitter and Fatshionista, I’ve heard that many with Fat Dollars to spend aren’t impressed with the collection, and maybe it’s because there is too much painful irony for them. This post-modern irony has all the hallmarks of the vanguard of hipster styling, and now fat people have access to it (well, fat people who like femme clothes). What I think Ditto and Evans are doing for plus sized fashion is interesting – they’re bringing it out of the doldrums, and creating styling options that may not make fat people as ashamed to duck off into a store where they can find clothes to fit them. I don’t know about you, but I certainly know that a younger me used to endure shopping excursions with friends, putting up with shop after shop of straight sizing and hanger-flicking because I wasn’t bold enough to say “LET’S GO SHOP WHERE I CAN DRESS MY FAT SELF”. In a few years, marketers and retailers might just have that lightbulb moment when they realise they might make more money manufacturing consumable clothes for fat people rather than bombarding them with unhealthy weight loss methods. After all, our prudish standards of decency dictate that we need to be clothed. All of us.
Do Not Adjust Your Set
Saturday, July 11th, 2009
The fancy people behind Axis of Fat have all written and contributed to blogs for a while now. But we felt that there was something missing in the blogging world, especially the Australian blogging world — and that was a collective of fat and fashionable fancy ladies (and men!), blogging about their politics, fat issues, their style and how we find shit to fit. The idea for the Axis of Fat came about from an idea Natalie had, in which we combine our different knowledge and blogging experiences into one big blog.
The idea for Axis of Fat actually came together while Zoe was overseas in Japan (being fat all over the place and getting some seriously fashionable gear), so the whole concept coalesced before the four of us had even all met in person. Once she returned, and the four of us finally got together, we realised how far we could take the concept. We have a wide knowledge base: Nick’s web experience and familiarity with the fail that is fat men’s clothing (HI LOWES), Natalie’s extensive blogging on various fat issues, Sonya’s writing and previous blog work in NoMoreMumus and Zoe’s wide knowledge of international plus-size fashion. Naturally, we can take on a variety of topics – from the dearth of plus size fashion in Australia to fat acceptance activism.
We plan to have regular features on the blog, including vlogging style and Cosmo-esque lifestyle tips (with more cursing), how to find the elusive and sneaky clothing for fat men, and advice on how to build an oufit to suit your style. One feature we hope to make a regular occurence is to put our op-shopping skills to the test, and scour the thrift stores in order to find clothing and accessories for cheap, while still keeping in with personal style. If you are in Brisbane and are interested in being part of a vlog, drop us a line – any size is welcome.
-The Axis of Fat collective
