So, my last blog post sparked some interesting reactions..

I'm new to this FA stuff. And new to blogging about it. New to thinking about it, new to talking about it. So it's not suprising, I guess, that I'm constantly suprised at how people react to what I post.

This was a blindside for me, for sure. There's comments floating around telling me I'm not fat *enough*. Fat enough to .. what? Call myself fat? Think of myself that way? Talk about it? Blog about it?

My reaction to this is pretty much the same as the "Oh! you're not fat!" ones. Open-mouthed, gaping, eye-rolling disbelief.

I feel like a kid, banging on the door of a clubhouse. In my head it's a tree house with lots of warnings on the door. Through the gingham-curtained windows you can see all sorts of interesting things.

Omega: *Knock Knock Knock* Hi! Is this the "we're fat and that's okay" club? Can I come in??

WFATOKC: What? You? No way! Get Lost!

Omega: *crestfallen* But.. why?

WFATOKC: You're not fat!!!

Omega: .. huh?

WFATOKC: You're not fat ENOUGH. Sure, you're fat enough to be mocked, excluded and shamed for your size. You're fat enough to be considered obese by a doctor, and be lectured for it. You're fat enough that many people think you're fat. You're fat enough to it to be the first perjorative out of anyone's mouth when they are trying to have a go at you. You're fat enough to shop in plus-size stores. You're fat enough to qualify for Xenical or lap-band surgery, if you wanted them. You're fat enough to be hooted at by morons in cars when you walk down the street. You're fat enough to be stared down the nose at in high-fashion stores and be told snootily "Oh, we have nothing here for YOU." 

....but you're not fat ENOUGH. 

Omega: But.. but..

*door slams in face*

I get that, at size 18, I am on the "smaller" end of fat. I get that people fatter than me have more to deal with. I get that my problems are less in some areas than other people who are fatter than me. I GET THAT.

Some people call those of us in this size range "inbetweenies". And that is what it feels like sometimes. Too thin for the "properly" fat kids... too fat (way, way too fat) for the thin kids.

What's a (maybe not fat enough) fat girl to do?

Here's something I think every fat person faces sooner or later..

It normally happens around the time you start really identifying as fat. Just when you get comfortable enough to say "I'm fat" in the same way you might say "I have bright red hair." "I have blue eyes." You might like or dislike these attributes to a certian degree, but they are not inherently good or evil. They are just an accurate description of your physical appearance.

Sooner or later, you will get somone saying "Oh! You're not Fat!!".

It seems as though they are saying "Oh! Don't say that terrible thing about yourself!".. with the assumption that "fat" is a horribly negative term and not someone ANYONE would want to describe themselves as. Like saying "I'm hoplessly lazy", or "I'm ugly".. as though it's a subjective, negative thing you need to be talked out of.

How the freak do you respond to that?

Here's how I handled it recently - for good or ill. Some context, just in case it's useful.

I was in a silly short film. My friends and I love the author Neil Gaiman, and he said on his blog that if anyone filmed themselves doing a dance that he wrote about in his book "The Graveyard Book" then he'd blog it. So, with that challenge at our feet, we had to make this thing. (Yes, we are that geeky.). So we did! It was fun! And then it did get posted on Neil's blog, big cheers all around. The link to the film is here

Here we are.

Can you tell which one I am?

After someone was critising the film, I said "I'm not the director, I'm just the fat girl dancing in the back".. you know, to identify myself. I figured it was an obvious attribute to distinguish me from the other people in the film.

And then I get this, from another commenter: "Following additional scrutiny, I feel confident in declaring that you are NOT fat."

My reply? "If that was meant as a compliment, then thank you. But I am fat, and I am totally okay with that. :)"

He comes back with.. "We clearly have different criteria for what constitutes "fat". Or you're speaking another language."

..at which point I think I just have to let it go. Or it starts to sound like I am fishing for compliments (if you assume "not fat" is a compliment). Or that I just have self esteem issues.

I really don't know how to respond when people say this. I get it a lot, and I doubt there's a fat girl out there who hasn't copped it on more than one occassion.

Do you get all preachy? "Hmm, it seems as though you're attaching some negative connotations to the word "fat" that I don't. Understandable, given all the hatred out there, but what you mighn't realise is by saying things like that you're actually perpetuating those negative stereotyes. How would it be if I just was fat, and that was all right?"

Or maybe just an all out rant.. "Are you on crack or something? Maybe you need to get your eyes tested!! I AM FAT! I promise, I'm not lying, I really am, please have another look at the picture. It's okay to agree with me. I promise this is not a trap! I'm fat! ITS OKAY TO ADMIT THAT!!"

I just don't know. What do you do when you cop this one?