Here's something I think every fat person faces sooner or later..

It normally happens around the time you start really identifying as fat. Just when you get comfortable enough to say "I'm fat" in the same way you might say "I have bright red hair." "I have blue eyes." You might like or dislike these attributes to a certian degree, but they are not inherently good or evil. They are just an accurate description of your physical appearance.

Sooner or later, you will get somone saying "Oh! You're not Fat!!".

It seems as though they are saying "Oh! Don't say that terrible thing about yourself!".. with the assumption that "fat" is a horribly negative term and not someone ANYONE would want to describe themselves as. Like saying "I'm hoplessly lazy", or "I'm ugly".. as though it's a subjective, negative thing you need to be talked out of.

How the freak do you respond to that?

Here's how I handled it recently - for good or ill. Some context, just in case it's useful.

I was in a silly short film. My friends and I love the author Neil Gaiman, and he said on his blog that if anyone filmed themselves doing a dance that he wrote about in his book "The Graveyard Book" then he'd blog it. So, with that challenge at our feet, we had to make this thing. (Yes, we are that geeky.). So we did! It was fun! And then it did get posted on Neil's blog, big cheers all around. The link to the film is here

Here we are.

Can you tell which one I am?

After someone was critising the film, I said "I'm not the director, I'm just the fat girl dancing in the back".. you know, to identify myself. I figured it was an obvious attribute to distinguish me from the other people in the film.

And then I get this, from another commenter: "Following additional scrutiny, I feel confident in declaring that you are NOT fat."

My reply? "If that was meant as a compliment, then thank you. But I am fat, and I am totally okay with that. :)"

He comes back with.. "We clearly have different criteria for what constitutes "fat". Or you're speaking another language."

..at which point I think I just have to let it go. Or it starts to sound like I am fishing for compliments (if you assume "not fat" is a compliment). Or that I just have self esteem issues.

I really don't know how to respond when people say this. I get it a lot, and I doubt there's a fat girl out there who hasn't copped it on more than one occassion.

Do you get all preachy? "Hmm, it seems as though you're attaching some negative connotations to the word "fat" that I don't. Understandable, given all the hatred out there, but what you mighn't realise is by saying things like that you're actually perpetuating those negative stereotyes. How would it be if I just was fat, and that was all right?"

Or maybe just an all out rant.. "Are you on crack or something? Maybe you need to get your eyes tested!! I AM FAT! I promise, I'm not lying, I really am, please have another look at the picture. It's okay to agree with me. I promise this is not a trap! I'm fat! ITS OKAY TO ADMIT THAT!!"

I just don't know. What do you do when you cop this one?