The other day my dad commented to me about how if i get any bigger, others might start to orbit around me. I assume he was saying this in a negative way (ie YOU ARE AS BIG AS THE PLANET, FATTY FAT FAT) but I actually took it as a compliment.  You see, I'm the sun. I shine so brightly that I blind people with my radiance. I'm fat AND beautiful, and people want to be around me because I don't need to bring others down to give myself confidence. I am the sun, and no douchenugget is going to take away my shine, fuckdammit.

*Oh, and just so you all aren't hating on my dad: He's not an intentional bastard, he's just old and a little bit insane, and very self-involved. He speaks before thinking, but has a heart of gold in there somewhere. It just needs to be dug up, as it's currently under some big piles of shit.

If you have a blog, or you tweet, or even if you just like telling stories to your friends.. you'll probably have had this experience..

Something bad, or embarrassing, or both happens.. and AS IT IS OCCURING, you think.. "Whoah boy, this is going to make a GREAT blog entry/story later..."

I have had a couple of dates like that lately.

As has been previously mentioned on this blog, I am poly people. This means I engage in more than one romantic entanglement at at time. No one gets lied to, everyone's informed, and all is well... (if you're wanting more information, wikipedia is a good place to start.)

It means that while I am currently living with someone utterly wonderful, who I am head-over-heels smitten for.. I am also dating.

And I'm sure I don't need to tell you that sometimes, dating SUCKS. And when you're fat? It can have a whole fresh layer of complications attached.

I meet lots of new people through the internet - new friends, new hobby-mates, and new people to date. When I am dating someone I met online, I like to make sure they have seen pictures of me. Including pictures of my whole body (clothed! gesselouise, people!) . I feel after seeing those pictures, there should really be no surprise when they show up and realise they're on a date with a fat girl. I make sure the pictures I show them are realistic. I think this saves me some angst.. if they look at the pictures and they don't like what they see, well, I've just saved us both a lot of time.

Perhaps it's foolish of me, but I have assumed that, having gone through this process, if the guy (girl, alien from the planet awesomo) then asks me out on a date, the "fat" issue is put to one side. Settled. A non issue. They're okay with it, otherwise they wouldn't be there.  It's the same as my crazy hair - you can see it in the picture, right? I don't then expect to show up to the date and have the other person yell "OHMAGAWD WHATS WITH YOUR HAIR IT IS BRIGHT RED!".

Turns out this isn't always the case, though. One guy seemed.. more nervous than he ought to, and then spent almost the entire date talking about his amazing personal trainer, PJ, and the amazing thing he did, where he gained a whole heap of weight on purpose and then lost it all again, just to prove it could be done... and proceeded to repeat this personal trainer's odious and misinformed views along the lines of "all fat people are just lazy and could lose weight if they wanted to.."

Afterwards, he contacted me, keen for another date. Me? not so keen! I explained that what he said was pretty offensive, not to mention TOTALLY UNTRUE. He couldn't understand why I had taken it so personally!

I couldn't understand why he thought I'd go out on another date with him after he showed himself to be such an insensitive idiot.

The other one - we went on two lovely dates. Lots of flirting, laughs and great conversation. I thought this had real potential! Then I didn't hear anything from him for ages. Oh well, I thought. Guess he changed his mind.

Eventually he contacted me and said he was feeling really conflicted about how attracted he was to me, and he thinks it's probably because I am "a bit chubby". He explained that sometimes he felt really attracted to me, and then other times, he felt repulsed/indifferent and it was all very confusing, and he needed to think about it.

I let him know as kindly as possible that he could think about it all he liked. Far, far away from me.

Now I'd like to be able to tell you that both of these unpleasant experiences were very easy for me to shake off, just like water off a duck's back. I'd like to be able to tell you that I shook my head, secure in the knowledge that it was them, not me, with the problem, and I haven't thought about it since.

I'd like to be able to tell you that, but it wouldn't be true.

I know the next time I am talking to someone online, and they ask me out on a date, it is going to take every ounce of self-restraint I possess not to ask them "So, you know I am fat, right? And you're okay with that?" ....

Stupid thing to ask! Stupid thing to say! It smacks of insecurity and assuming the other person is stupid. So.. I'm not going to ask it.

But after these.. interesting.. experiences, you can be sure I'll be wondering about it, anyway.

..where'd all the nice smart cute funny poly-friendly curve-loving men go? huh? :)

Finding a job is my main priority at the moment.  I am moving overseas in a year and a half, and need cashmonies so I can start my life there in a financially stable way. With that in mind, I have applied for sixty-two jobs since getting back on the 30th of January.  That's a fuckload of selection criteria, my friends. After considering making some sort of artwork with the twelve rejection letters I have thus far received, I have landed myself a job interview on Friday next week. I really really -really- want this job, like you wouldn't believe. Ninety nine percent of my brain is filled with "I'm awesome! My brain has great things to offer and I am loyal and hardworking and freakin great. You're gonna be so lucky to get meeee!"

It's that other one percent that is the real problem. Let's face it: society discriminates against the obese. The incident regarding Kevin Smith and Southwest Airlines' shitty treatment has enlightened a lot of previously ignorant people to this fact. But it's not enough.  I don't know when it will be enough. When fats are given the same treatment as anyone else, I suppose.  

I'm just sick of magazines that are plastered with "Lose five kilograms in one week!" and fashion labels that consider size twelve a "plus size".  When society ingrains this kind of thinking in us from such an early age, how are we supposed to change it?  I feel so demoralised sometimes when it's assumed that fats don't deserve to be treated decently. Because we "brought it upon ourselves." Fuckers. I feel agitated when I see a fifty to one ratio of haters to understanding people. I don't know how to stop this ignorant behaviour, especially when it's been ingrained from such an early age in many people. It feels as though I am not doing enough. And I am often met with criticism for believing in Fat Acceptance, because "it's just a way to justify being fat and lazy and eating like crap." And I sometimes honestly don't know how to come back at people who say such things. I can point them in the direction of studies, personal accounts, and numerous blogs around the net, but to them I'm always that fat lady with a sinister agenda to convert us all to being sloths. My bias as a fat woman takes away any credibility to them. My agenda to make children eat six cakes a day shines through.

I'm not a person with some sinister agenda, I promise.  What I want (and deserve) is to not be judged, restricted or hurt simply because of the way I look.  Basically, I just wanted to be treated like a human being. Because anything else is discrimination, and just fucking sucks. It's like someone said, if a thin person had complained about airline seats then the seats would be called too small. If a fat person complains, it's because they're huge tubs-o-lard and need to eat less and lose weight.  It's fucking bullshit, people.

While I am at this rant, I'm sick of everyone's definition of what a "Real Woman" is.  What the fuck, man! Real women come in all shapes, sizes, and sometimes even genders. Real women have curves. Real women don't have curves.  Real women are skinny, fat, tall, short, have small boobs, big boobs, fat upper pubic areas, hairy toes, long necks, and bad posture. Or not! They can be anything. You see here's the real thing; We are all different: AND THAT IS OKAY.

I'm a little nervous about this job interview, because I'm afraid someone will overlook how awesome I am for the job because they are judging me based on my appearance. I will be well put together, wearing my investment piece clothing (oh black suit on sale at Myer, how I love you.). But I still (justifiably) fear that people will consider me lazy, slovenly, and/or disgusting because of the way I look.  And it happens to lots of fats. Every day. I know that logically I'll be fine in the interview; the worst thing that could happen is that I don't get the job, but I come out with more interview experience.  But that irrational fear remains, somewhat.

How can we (as individuals, as groups, and as a FA community) work towards changing preconceived notions of fat people? Leave your thoughts in the comments.

Someone on my twitter feed posted the link to Jamie Oliver's talk about how it's important to for people to learn about foods they are cooking and eating, and to pass that on to any spawn they might have. I totally agree with this; it's important to be informed and listen to what your body needs.

What stopped me from listening to the entire talk was the constant peppering of OBESITY IS SO BAD, OMG WE ARE ALL GOING TO DIE EARLY AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

.... I become really really frustrated with this kind of talk.  There is an obsession with weight in today's society that is so distinctly BEYOND one's health, and it's so very ingrained that I don't believe that most people realise they are even obsessed with it. It's so easy to talk about the "obesity epidemic" but some people have talked about it with me as though I am not one of the chunky brigade. When i point out that "hey, I'm fat. And that's okay!" there are wild flayings of "OH NO NOT YOU, YOU'RE NOT THE KIND OF PERSON WE ARE TALKING ABOUT."

Who are these people you are talking about then?  And more importantly, what gives a person the right to talk about someone else in such a way? What happened to compassion for others? Kindness towards anyone regardless of their appearance? Am i just missing a part of the human psyche that thinks it's okay to blatantly hate on the way someone else looks? Perhaps as a fat girl (being on the other side of the judgement conundrum) I am just not looking at it from a lot of points of view. Then again i've known some pretty bitchy fats so I really don't think that's the case - horrible people come in all shapes and sizes too.

I don't know.  I just honestly wish that celebrities like Jamie Oliver would do a bit more research before blatantly hating on us fats.  Why can't we be educated about food without the whole shaming thing? Sometimes I wonder if Jamie Oliver plans to come out with some hideous sort of meal replacement plan, and that's why he's doing this. SIGH.

I have been a naughtly blogger! Like so many others that whole "silly season" caught up with me. One of my new year resolutions is to post here more often, so hopefully you'll be hearing more from me!

Another resolution? I have made a determination to no longer be silent when I encounter fat-hate in my day to day. Whether it's directed at me, or at someone else.. I will speak up. I'm not going to be an a*shole about it (even though whoever's speaking probably is).. but I am not going to give my assent through silence, either.

This has already changed how I have reacted to a couple of situations. Let me share a couple of moments of sass with you.

The other night we went to St Kilda Night Market. Beautiful! The sun setting over the ocean and Luna Park, the market stalls covered in pretty lights, cool crafty things to look at, drummers playing.. wonderful night. I recommend.

While I was there I overhead a woman talking to two of her friends. She was speaking loudly, and I'm sure I wasn't the only person in the crowded market who could hear her. "Ohmygod!" she was saying, "Did you see her! She sure had a pair of thunder thighs on her! And those legging things! Disgusting!"

Now, I didn't see who she was talking about.. but that doesn't matter.

I made eye contact with her, smiled and said archly "Good thing we're all perfect, Hmmm?".

She went the colour of tomato. "OMIGAWD NO ONE WAS MEANT TO HEAR THAT!" I just smiled. She was hugely embarassed. I hope I made her think a little bit about the hate spewing out of her mouth and if nothing else - how bad it made her look.

The next example, fresh from yesterday, was directed at something said about me by a total stranger.. You know what it's like when some idiot says something stupid/derogatory to you - often you are left open-mouthed, hurt and confused.. and it's not untill the moment is long gone that you think of the perfect comeback..

Not this time! My wits didn't fail me..

I was waiting for the lights to change outside Flinders St Station with a big crowd of people. Just standing there, tired after a long day. Behind me, a voice. "HEY LADY! You have REALLY bright hair for such a fat chick!". I look around - nope, no one else with fire-engine red or any other wild colour, he must be talking to me..

I whip around and smile and say, nice and loud so everyone waiting can hear "HEY FELLA! You have a REALLY big mouth for someone with such a weak jaw!". Still smiling I put my fist against my chin, in a "thinking" gesture.. just in case he doesn't get the "weak jaw" reference.

He gapes. (No way. Did that fat chick just threaten to PUNCH ME IN THE FACE?) His mixture of confusion, shame, and embarassment is a joy to watch. Other people laugh. At him. A lot. The lights change and I march across the street, feeling pretty good.

It's good to talk back, to speak up, to show a bit of sass. If you haven't already, try it sometime, you might enjoy it as much as I am! :)

It has been awhile, but I'm finally back!  Actually, I have not really been away - just insanely busy at work and busy socially and, well, a wee bit lazy.  OMG FAT STEREOTYPE.

Anyway!  My wonderful parents asked me earlier in the year what I'd like for Christmas, and I replied, "A sewing machine!"

I have fond memories of being poked and prodded with pins and measuring tapes for most my childhood.  My mother is an excellent seamstress, and the bulk of my clothes except for my socks, school uniforms, and some special occasion gear, were made for me until I was about eight or so.  My mother made my senior formal outfit (that's prom, for the non-Australians), medieval costumes when I was at university, the works.

Now, I wanted to be able to alter my own clothes, and begin making my own too.  First I learned how to do the basics - thread the machine, fill a bobbin, and sew straight and zigzag stitches.  Although I've never sewn before, I've spent years around my mother and her machine, so it wasn't too hard.  So I asked my mum to help me make a breezy summer top.  This is what we did:

Made a rough mock-up using one of my tank-tops and an old bedsheet, fitted the mock up, made a pattern out of newspaper, and cut the pieces - one centre back and two centre front pieces. After putting those together at the shoulder seam and sewing the darts, we decided that it needed facings, so cut out armhole and neckline facings, ironed on interfacing paper and added that. Then mum got the bright idea that we should understitch the facings.

It pulls a little oddly on the left shoulder, but given that we drafted the pattern mostly from scratch, I wasn't expecting a perfect fit.  I'm slip-stitching all the facings down at the moment (neck done, one and a half armholes to go!), but other than that it's finished

Apologies for the cruddy webcam headless fatty shots, but my camera was not playing nice this evening with the self-timer for some reason.  Also it is wrinkled, because I had it crushed in my lap while I sewed the facings down and watched The West Wing (which is an awesome show for sewing to, by the by).

I feel inordinately proud myself, and really inspired!  However, it's clear that I need a lot more general sewing experience before I get to the stage that I want to be, which is to be able to draft my own patterns from scratch.  Going by measurements, I am right at the top of the plus-size spectrum in commercial patterns, and I want to have the skill to make what I want, when I want it!

I got rather excited when I saw these two patterns from Simplicity, as I can fit (just) the 28W, and I absolutely adore 1940s vintage stylin'!  I was disappointed to discover that these seemed to be limited to the US as well, though!  Isn't that just awesome - not only is the range of ready-to-wear clothing in Australia shitty, but patterns are equally difficult to find. :/  I'm in love with some of the Burda patterns I've found too, but of course their online store doesn't ship to Australia.  I know Burda is commercially available here; I just hope there's a similarly awesome plus pattern availability.

There's a happy ending though - I found both Simplicity patterns on eBay from a seller who ships worldwide, AND it was cheaper!  I can't wait to try them out, though I'll probably start with the skirt, as it looks the least difficult.  My goal is to channel Katharine Hepburn and make a fabulous pair of high-waisted, wide-legged pants.  First step is to buy some calico or muslin, as I'm far from proportionate, so there'll be adjustments, no doubt.

So tell me!  Do you sew?  What are some of your favourite patterns, tips and tricks?  What do you find most difficult when adjusting for fatness?

(BONUS PHOTO:  I had my hair dyed blonde at the beginning of December.  EXCITING!  I won't apologise for this being a webcam shot, it's from my dailybooth stream)

Tonight on Australian TV I've seen at least five ads for The Biggest Loser. Not for their tv show, but for their weight loss website and weight loss products. Enough! Add onto that the Jenny Craig (for men, mind you), Weight Watchers and other crap that they are pushing towards me and I just want to scream.

Do they have any idea who they are talking to? Oh right, they do.

There are millions of people out there in Australia who are insecure about their bodies. This number comes from the fact that most people I know have some insecurities about their body. Even I do. I just don't run to the nearest weight loss product advertised and spend up big on something that won't work.

Others do. Which is why they put this crap on air to start with.

What I would love to see is a program that discussed healthy eating. Not "You have to stop eating to lose weight, fatty." What I'm talking about is information on the foods that are nourishing. What is there out there that I haven't tried before? Show me different ways of making different things with the foods I already cook with.

If the risotto requires copious amounts of butter and oil, that's fine. Butter and oil is nourishing just as much as fruit and vegetables are. I wouldn't eat a block of butter in a day, but that's because I could think of nothing worse to try and do. Not because I've got some devil mask wearing health freak going "oooh obesity epidemic" telling me what to do.

Don't make people feel shame for being who they are. Let them eat as they please. Educate them on healthy, nourishing food and show them all the different things that are out there to eat.

Food is neither good or bad. It is food. It's not about weight loss. It's about eating in a way that makes you feel good on the inside and look good on the outside. That's possible at 60kg and it's possible at 160kg.

amplecurves!

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Fresh out of my inbox, City Chic are bragging about Amber Riley of Glee wearing their clothes. City Chic is one of the only youthful plus size fashion labels in Australia, and while many of us groan about the prices and the quality, I've discovered that a lot of American fatshionistas can't get enough of the brand, including the fantastic Ms. Riley! 

I've got to say, I love the dress she's wearing in this photograph. City Chic have brought in a lot of florals this season and when I went to the Chermside store last week I was quite impressed with the range. The sizing is still all over the place unfortunately, and that's a shame because I was almost about to drop some money on some dresses but I held back because of fit issues that couldn't be solved by switching down a size. (For the record, the only fit issue I usually have is with pant length!)

Just for a second, can I gripe about City Chic's usage of social media for marketing? They invite us to become friends on facebook, but their page is an actual personal profile instead of a "Page" which means I have to wait until they approve me as a friend before I can see extra info they've put on their profile. I was hoping to grab some photos of Amber Riley to pimp in this entry, but I can't find any except for the tiny ones used in the email blast. 

So uh, City Chic - I'm a fashion forward fatshionista who knows how to use social media. We should talk. But in the meanwhile, give bloggers some material so they can give you [free] press! I've been wearing the label since you started (oh, remember Big City Chic!?) and a lot of Australian bloggers, despite being critical, will probably be more than happy to give a homegrown brand a leg up. 

Apparently it's Cyber Monday in the US today, a thing I had never even heard about before Shop Translated approached us for the giveaway (enter here!) I wonder if Australian online retailers will jump on the November sales bandwagon in years to come?