User Picture

Nick

Dossier

Website
http://www.nicholosophy.com
Twitter
nicholosophy
Role Models
My wife, Matt Preston, Penn Jillette
Distinguishing Characteristics
I'm a little bald fat man who has grey hairs coming through his beard. This seems to excite my wife more than me, but I'm learning to deal with it. I am fat all over, except my arse which never seems to grow. You really needed to know that, hey?
Fashion Style
I generally throw on what I can. I'm learning that a nice pair of pants, a button up shirt and perhaps maybe a tie can pull it all together nicely. When I have time and money, I'd like to get into ties. I need to get nice shirts first. One thing at a time.

Posts by Nick:

The End of an Era

A long time ago I was just a fat person who didn’t have a voice. I was a fat person who was worthless, and I needed to lose weight. Today I’m a fat person who has a voice, who knows that I’m valued by others and myself, and I’m damn well happy in my skin A lot of my growth occured here on Axis of Fat.

And it’s now time to call last drinks on this place.

Axis of Fat has served its purpose, to provide a place for fat people to have a voice, and served it well. But times have changed. It is much easier to set up personal blogs. The needs of those who started AoF, and who took over when we could no longer go on, have changed.

It in no ways dilutes the value of Axis of Fat to my own self-development, and to the personal development and debate that many fat people who have been readers have experienced. The site will remain here in an archived state as a resource and a historical document. Comments are closed, but reading is free.

 


It’s time for a change

Some of you may have noticed that the site was down for a while there. That wasn’t intentional – it seemed we were hacked. Hosting has been upgraded and secured and it will be moved across to new hosting soon. But it’s a sign of what I was coming here to talk about anyway.

For a while now, my focus on Axis of Fat has waned. I just don’t have time to manage things around here and the place needs a little bit of love and attention. It needs a new group of bloggers to take over the Australian fat landscape and do what this site was here for all along – provide a place for people to talk about body image, fat stigma and the like.

You’ll have seen for a while now that David has been the main poster around here. He has agreed to take over managing the site, and I think this means it will be in good hands. Things won’t change a lot in the short term but hopefully in the longer term this will provide this site some stability and love that it needs.

So with all that said, I bid you farewell, and ask you to be kind to David during the transition period.


VIDEOS: Fat Hate on the web


FA101 – What is Fat Acceptance?

I made a youtube video the other night in which I talked about what Fat Acceptance is for me. I’m hoping to make it a regular thing, where I do a bit of an FA101 series from my view as a white, cis-gendered, hetrosexual male. It will be interesting to see how it goes, but so far I haven’t had any trolls, so I’m most appreciative of that.

Most importantly, I’d love to get questions or suggestions of topics to talk about. Rather than post them here though, please post them over in the youtube comments. It will be easier for me to keep track of everything in one place. I’m also happy to discuss things you think I get wrong or don’t articulate we well as you think. I won’t always get things right, and my views don’t invalidate the views of others who come from a different place than me, so I won’t be offended if you disagree.


The struggle of being fat and sick (even if they aren’t related things)

Please be advised that this post may be triggering for some readers. It contains weight loss talk, talk of weight loss surgery, and talk about medical conditions and their relationship with obesity.

Earlier this year I was diagnosed with diabeties. The Type II kind. The one that the wider community assumes that all obese people will end up getting. Well, I got it and I have had a hard time trying to deal with that over the last 9 months or so. At the same time I was diagnosed with a condition where my testosterone levels are very low. I have no energy or drive to do things, I struggle to concentrate for long periods of time and I quite often just feel like shit.

I’ve recently started to notice that I feel quite disconnected from my body these days. It’s something that is there and I can feel that it is physically there, but I feel almost separated from it. I don’t feel like I have any control over it. It’s just there and a lot of the time it just gets in the way or doesn’t to the things I want it to do.

I’ve seen a specialist about my condition and their response was that the only viable solution was for me to lose weight. Apparently my condition is brought on by being obese and if I wasn’t so obese then I wouldn’t have the condition. Wow, so simple. They also strongly recommended that I have a Lap Band installed so that I could get the weight off and start to feel better, and that with my failed history of dieting and weight loss attempts that this was my only viable solution. I was gobbsmacked.

I’ve read a fair bit about Lap Bands over the few years that I’ve been apart of the Fat Aceptance movement and the last thing I wanted was one of those. I was angry that this is all I was being offered as a form of treatment. If I didn’t go down this path I would have to deal with my illness myself and that just didn’t seem right.

A couple of months have passed since then and I’m starting to feel desparate. My body feels like it is failing more and more. I have less and less energy to get up and do things. I’m almost completely disinterested in life and there are days where I would just like to switch off and come back in a couple of days or weeks when I feel a little bit better.

Nagging on my mind all this time were the words of this specialist. I must lose weight. i must get a Lap Band. But yet I know that studies show that weight loss diets and ineffective, and that there are many complications with Lap Band surgery that makes it almost not worth the risk. And yet it digs at me.

It digs at me to the point that I have now regressed so far in my thoughts of my body. I feel like it’s my fault that I’m sick and that if I just stopped eating so much and exercised more I would lose some weight and feel better. Wow. That’s so far from the FA mantra that I’ve adopted over the last few years that I feel ashamed to even write it. And yet it is how I feel right now thanks to the good work of that specialist and my brain running over all of this.

I can understand how deseparation could lead someone to get a Lap Band. This morning I almost convinced myself that it was the only way that I was ever going to feel better. I’ve managed to get myself out of that mindset at the moment but I’m sure it will be back. And I’ll have to fight it off again.

If I had some idea of what I could do to fix myself in a way that was nourishing for my body, then I would happily take it. I probably need some sort of eating therapy. I’m convinced that I have disordered eating and no amount of dieting or surgery will fix that. But that kind of thing just isn’t there in mainstream medicine.

So for now I struggle with this mental gap between where my brain is and where my body is. I feel like I’m betraying the Fat Acceptance movement by even writing this post and talking about my struggle. I think it’s important that we all recognise that it is hard to deal with this sort of stuff even if you have been fighting for fat acceptance for years.

Somehow I have to find a solution to my health problem. I don’t know what that is going to be yet. It may be that I get so desparate that I get a Lap Band. I don’t know right now. All I know right now is that I wish there were answers and I wish there were more answers than just “lose weight”.

‘Cause it’s not like I was successful al that over the last 31 years. How the heck would I be able to start now?


Come and join the Axis of Fat!

The Axis of Fat was started as a platform for Australians who wanted to get involved in the fat acceptance movement without having to have their own blog. Having multiple authors means that no one individual has to try and post on a regular basis. Instead, each member can post whenever the mood takes them or when an issue comes up that they feel really passionate about.

Since Axis started in July 2009, we have seen a number of people join the Axis and go on to publish their own blogs. It is great to see the different blogs that have come out of this, like Sonya’s Australian Fatshion blog and Zoe’s recently started Cutselvage.  Some have chosen to continue posting here and using this as their main platform to discuss fat acceptance, body image, fatshion and other topics and I think the Axis still has an important role to play in the Australian fat acceptance landscape.

It is now time though to put the call out to see if there are others would you like to become involved in the Axis. We need more active bloggers to take on the fight and continue the push of the fat acceptance movement in Australia.

This might seem like a daunting task, but by being apart of the Axis we hope that the pressure is reduced somewhat. You have the support and mentorship of the other members so that you can get help and advice with any posts you are writing or any situations that you want to mull over with like-minded people. It can allow you to have a voice, whilst not being the lone voice. It can be a great starting point if you want to dip your toe in the pool to see whether it is warm or not. Trust me, you’ll find it more inviting than you think.

Do you want to have a voice? Do you want to share your experiences with other people? Do you want to talk about topics such as fat acceptance, body image, plus size fatshion, the media and it’s relationship with fat and so on? Then we would love to hear from you.

The only rules are is that this is a body positive place with no fat shaming. And we want this to remain an Australian voice in the global fatosphere, so you need to be Australian. If you identify as Australian, whether by birth, residency, or just because you feel a connection with the place, then we would love to hear from you.

You don’t have to be a professional writer. Heck, I’m not the greatest writer in the world and I’m here! It’s about passion. It’s about wanting to express yourself however you manage to do that. It’s about wanting to have a voice and let people know what you think.

All you need to do is to go to our contact page and select from the drop-down “Interest in Axis Membership”. Tell us why you would like to blog on the Axis of Fat and any other relevant information. This isn’t some kind of formal process, so don’t expect 20 questions about your writing style. We just want to know who you are and why you think you’d like to be involved.

Even if you aren’t sure, drop us a line and ask us any questions you might have. Perhaps we can help calm any fears and help you on a path you never expected.


Ham Radio Episode 2 – We still exist

It’s been quite a while since our first episode of our podcast Ham Radio but there is finally a sequel. Today I give you a quick update on what has been happening and what we plan to do into the new year. It’s a short one but have a listen and get in touch!

Don’t forget you can subscribe to the podcast through iTunes or via RSS if that is your thing.


The ‘famous’ Fat Necklace – pre-orders being taken now

Fat Necklace exampleSince I know there are some readers of Axis of Fat who have missed out on these before, I thought I’d post a quick reminder that Natalie’s fat necklaces are back on sale. This time she is taking pre-orders so that no one needs to miss out or take whatever colour is left rather than the one you want.

Orders close on Monday 18th October and this could well be the last run of these necklaces. So don’t miss out on what could be your last chance to get one of these necklaces by visiting her store.


First Episode of Ham Radio is HERE!

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the first episode of Ham Radio, the new podcast from the Axis of Fat. With a uniquely Australasian perspective, we hope to give you a taste of what it is like to be fat and fancy in Australia (and sometimes New Zealand depending on who’s on the show).

This week Zoe and I talk about Fat Fatshion for both Men and Women, including the current controversy with City Chic and Jibri.

Please drop us a line and let us know what you think. I’m sure that it will morph over the first few shows until we bed down exactly what it will sound like.


My relationship with food is on the rocks

Another post from the annals of Nicholosophy. At this rate, I should just add my blog to the fat-o-sphere feed…

Warning: I mention weight loss diets. I’m certainly not advocating them though. I also mention the word diet in the context that it is meant, that is “Course of living or nourishment; what is eaten and drunk habitually; food; victuals; fare”.

I have always been a fast eater. For some reason it is as if there is a competition to finish my meal as fast as possible. I remember as a kid going to Sizzler, which is an all-you-can-eat buffet restaurant. I’d be so happy to finish my meals as quickly as possible because it meant I could go back and get more, and more and more. I’d always make myself sick and feel overfull by the time I finished and went home with my parents.

Then there were the times when I’d be on Weight Watchers or other diets. The most successful time for me on WW was in 1999 and 2000. I lost a heap of weight, but it was my mum who was monitoring what I was eating for me. She’d make my lunches and dinner to be compliant with the plan. It worked until such time as I had to take control of my own food management and it all fell over.

All these sorts of experiences have shaped how I deal with food today. I still know the points value for some foods, not that I use them any more. I still know that certain things would be approved on WW and can sometimes see myself move away from something I want to something I think I should have. I also have the other side where I think “I’m fat, it doesn’t matter what I eat” and I just grab anything I feel like.

You know, there are times where I eat things and I feel guilty about it before I eat it. So I’ll go and hide myself away to eat it so I don’t get seen eating it. The fact that eating makes me feel guilty shows me that I have an unhealthy relationship with food.

I suffer from reflux, so I’m not meant to eat things with caffeine in them, like coffee and chocolate. Curry isn’t a good idea, nor is fatty food, tomatoes and a few other things that will set me off. Eating fast isn’t good either, and as mentioned I’ve always been a fast eater. I have learned that a little bit here and there is OK, so like most things it’s about moderation, not complete removal.

When I first was told this, it wasn’t moderation. It was nothing at all. Now instead I’ve had “real” coffee for breakfast, not decaf. I had curry last night for dinner. I had baked beans for dinner (contains tomato sauce). I had Red Rooster for lunch. I had a chocolate later on this evening. If I had just had one or two of these things, I’d be OK but instead I’m now suffering a massive reflux attack (I’m writing this at 1am for that reason). So I’ve gone from one extreme to the other, and this is what I used to do when I was stuck in the weight loss diet round-a-bout.

A real diet is about learning what makes your body happy. It means I am only restricted by what I think works best for me. I won’t give up chocolate, but I just need to remember to moderate it and listen to my body. By eating slower and taking the time to listen to my body, I get the chance to hear my body say “hey, back up. I’m full”, or “OK, this is making you feel sick, you might want to reconsider.”

A real diet is about feeling good about food and not denying yourself something because of some arbitrary “good” or “bad” label. Some foods I won’t touch because I know the moment I do, I’ll feel crook. For example, I avoid pastry if I can tell my stomach is a bit dodgy today.

Learning to understand food is important to me, and I think it is something that everyone has to deal with at some stage. My relationship with food has been on the rocks for years, but I can’t file for divorce. I’ve got to fight a good fight and get it back on track. Fat or otherwise, food is something that everyone has to deal with. Learning about how my body works and what foods make it feel good and bad (rather than being labelled “good” and “bad”) is something I think has to be a priority.


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