My boyfriend. My handsome, wonderful, perfect in so many ways boyfriend. Is on a diet. Not that he CALLS it a diet. However, I, Queen of Recovering Diets that I am, know better. My boyfriend is on the very slim side, he is a bit on the taller side of normal but would be considered quite thin if we look at his weight. I know that I weigh more than him. I was at his weight for about 10 minutes.
After the holidays BF started revving up his strength training and exercise at home and I am all for it! Good for you feeling better, getting stronger and all that. With it though, he started reading this “Men’s exercise book” which says, “cut down on carbs.” When I asked him how the heck he was going to accomplish that as a vegetarian he said he would eat more eggs and cheese and milk. When told him that I thought he weighs little as it his response was, “It’s not about weight it’s about fat.” So… fat… is bad? Is this another one of those, “Jeez I am 20 pounds I am SO fat (grabs molecule of skin), look at all this FAT” while I stare on in incredulity with my ice cream cone and elastic skirt. Really? Darling is that what this is?
Less whole grains, less rice, less potatoes, less bread more eggs, more cheese more milk. Hmm…okay. How that sounds like a healthy switch is totally beyond me…
When I asked him, “As you know honey I have been working hard and blogging about size acceptance and body acceptance and that I have given up dieting… how do you rectify supporting me in this if you are trying to ‘lose fat’?” His reply? “Well, men’s and women’s bodies are different.”
Wow. Wow I mean, there is SO MUCH here, right?
It is really hard for me not to try to sabotage this. I give him articles, we talk about body acceptance we talk about dieting but he is, “not on a diet”. He is just “watching his carbs” he is just “watching what he eats it isn’t a diet.” When you refuse the food I cooked with my own hands to nourish you, it’s a diet. When you don’t want to go out cause of the carbs, it’s a diet. When I am changing how I cook to accommodate you HONEY IT’S A DIET. And… they don’t work! It’s like I am more intellectually offended more than anything else, like what I blogged about earlier? You talk and talk and talk and people nod their heads but really it’s as if they are not physically capable of hearing you.
I am offended that he would read some loser book (muscle manwich whatever BLERGGG!!) which is just like ALL THE OTHERS and take that over the piles of scientifically rigorous data that I have been extolling for months about diet, body types, exorcize and health. Like, really? Do you think I am not smart enough? Do you think maybe there is too much womanly fat betwixt my ears? Do you think I am kidding myself?!?!
I haven’t confronted him on all this cause it’s his body, you know? I do not want to dictate peopl’s choices about their bodies…I just wished that while he can accept my body he could accept his own cause I think it’s a sex machine built for my pleasure and I love him as he is. I wish that he would at least internalize some of the data I have shared with him so I do not feel like I’ve been talking to a wall these past few months. I wish I did not now assume that he is with me but he sees past the fat…. I know I should not take it personal… but you bet I do.
Also, I am watching him restrict, then binge and eat more than he normally does. In short becoming the classic case of a cycling dieter and how that messes up our metabolism and our body cues. From an objective perspectiveit is interesting watching him do what all those scientists say happen to dieters!
UGHHHH I am so conflicted about this. There is so much here I need to tease out and consider but for now I just wanted to share with you what I am struggling with right now.
And honey? If you read this don’t get mad I love you… I just need to get this off my chest with the people on my team.