Omega

Oh, You’re Not Fat…. enough.

Thu, 15/10/2009 - 1:29pm | by

So, my last blog post sparked some interesting reactions..

I’m new to this FA stuff. And new to blogging about it. New to thinking about it, new to talking about it. So it’s not suprising, I guess, that I’m constantly suprised at how people react to what I post.

This was a blindside for me, for sure. There’s comments floating around telling me I’m not fat *enough*. Fat enough to .. what? Call myself fat? Think of myself that way? Talk about it? Blog about it?

My reaction to this is pretty much the same as the “Oh! you’re not fat!” ones. Open-mouthed, gaping, eye-rolling disbelief.

I feel like a kid, banging on the door of a clubhouse. In my head it’s a tree house with lots of warnings on the door. Through the gingham-curtained windows you can see all sorts of interesting things.

Omega: *Knock Knock Knock* Hi! Is this the “we’re fat and that’s okay” club? Can I come in??

WFATOKC: What? You? No way! Get Lost!

Omega: *crestfallen* But.. why?

WFATOKC: You’re not fat!!!

Omega: .. huh?

WFATOKC: You’re not fat ENOUGH. Sure, you’re fat enough to be mocked, excluded and shamed for your size. You’re fat enough to be considered obese by a doctor, and be lectured for it. You’re fat enough that many people think you’re fat. You’re fat enough to it to be the first perjorative out of anyone’s mouth when they are trying to have a go at you. You’re fat enough to shop in plus-size stores. You’re fat enough to qualify for Xenical or lap-band surgery, if you wanted them. You’re fat enough to be hooted at by morons in cars when you walk down the street. You’re fat enough to be stared down the nose at in high-fashion stores and be told snootily “Oh, we have nothing here for YOU.” 

….but you’re not fat ENOUGH. 

Omega: But.. but..

*door slams in face*

I get that, at size 18, I am on the “smaller” end of fat. I get that people fatter than me have more to deal with. I get that my problems are less in some areas than other people who are fatter than me. I GET THAT.

Some people call those of us in this size range “inbetweenies”. And that is what it feels like sometimes. Too thin for the “properly” fat kids… too fat (way, way too fat) for the thin kids.

What’s a (maybe not fat enough) fat girl to do?

No related posts.

Tags:
Posted in fat acceptance

You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS feed.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  • http://corpulent.wordpress.com/ Frances

    I HEAR YOU. And I don't know what there is for us to do. It's a really weird situation, going from feeling too fat to too thin and back again (and forth again and back again…) in one day.

    Recently I wrote a post about the hassle of finding flattering plus size bras (having recently grown in the chesticles to a 16D) and I got a few comments along the lines of “16D? *snort* You don't know how good you have it.” How is that at all helpful? What does that achieve? I'm no closer to finding flattering bras, but now I kind of feel like I'm being a pain in the arse to the Genuine Fats.

    It's weird.

  • http://living400lbs.wordpress.com/ living400lbs

    You know, even I've gotten a variation of that (of the “well, you're able to exercise and hold down a job so you don't REALLY know what it's like to be hugely fat” sort) and it gets old.

    Really, really old.

    Yeah, plus-size models usually wear straight sizes. So? Most women who are clinically obese can shop at Target. I may be the size that the media loves to show, but the women who “aren't that fat” are the ones who are the face of the obesity epidemic.

    I guess all I can say is, speak your truth about where you are. :)

  • doorslam

    I'm an inbetweeny, too. I think the important thing is to own our privilege as such. We're small enough to sometimes buy our clothes in non-plus size stores, fit in itty-bitty coach seats (maybe), etc. And we probably get less abuse, and have people more easily believe that we do eat healthy and exercise (if you do, of course, fine if you don't) and that our fat isn't our fault. We're not as privileged as thin people, but we do have a degree of privilege.

    Of course, some people don't care about that and will try to exclude you anyway, and that's just depressing.

  • lilacsigil

    Chill! Privilege can be a matter of degree – I'm a size 24-30, depending, and I know I have more privileges than someone bigger than me. I can buy a bra at a plus-size shop without having to go online (though I do actually have to go online because I'm rural!), I can buy clothes online without major hassle, I can wear a regular-sized seatbelt. And you have more privilege than I do; a size 12 person could still be considered fat and yet have more privilege than you.

    And people who try to police who is “fat enough” are doing the same thing as the people who police “thin enough” – though I do tend to give them a bit of slack because of all the very thin people who whine about their OMG SIZE 6 FAT BODY. But it's all the same system of misogynistic control.

  • Steph

    I am a size 18 too! And we have every right to express our feelings on this subject. You go, curvy girl!

  • bubblebee

    I love love looooove Freya's bras. Awesome, pretty bras, although a little (okay, a lot – AU$100ish?) on the spensy side, but they put my boobs in their place ;)

  • meerkat

    It's a spectrum! I've also heard that I'm not really fat exactly twice, once in the fat-o-sphere and once on a fat-friendly blog outside the fat-o-sphere. Never in real life, somehow! (I'm an 18 too, if you are using US sizes.)

    Anyway, it can be hard to tell from photos.

  • elikit

    I totally get where you're coming from – but hey, some people just want to get the gold medal in the Opression Olympics.

    I'm about the same size as you, I reckon, and I can't help but play a game called “The Fattest Person in the Room”, and you know what? I win a lot. Sometimes not by much. But it doesn't hellp to imagine that everyone who's smaller than you are has an exponentially better life and experience.

    But we're all sitting on the same fucked up scale of standards and we're harmed by it, simply in different ways. It's all valid.

    I mean, do I get to have half as much pain as someone who wears a size 36?

  • ainomiaka

    OMG SIZE 6 FAT BODY. But it's all the same system of misogynistic control.-yes it is. but it needs different . . . techniques to fight it? I think is the term I want. do you say something different to that size 6 who complains about their fat? personally, I'd hope so. is that different than telling you you're not fat? I'd also think so. But we're stuck with this one conversation for both of them.
    and it's not about who's more oppressed. I don't want it to be about enforcing any one set of standards for fat-because the clubhouse story here is spot on. so how do you fight one form of misogynistic control without worsening another?

  • JennyRose

    From JennyRose – I am an in-betweenie and I see a lot of my disordered thinking and eating has come for my quest for very thin privilege. I wanted to be recognized as one of the slim, pretty girls and devoted most of my energy to attaining that lofted status. Never happened so I just berated myself for not being “good enough.” I support SA and FA because in the end there are a variety of natural body types and all must be respected because all the people in those bodies must be respected. The outside is window dressing and I have always seen fat phobia as a thinly disguised version of misogyny.

    I am certainly labeled fat and rejected by Hollywood and clothing designers. I am not fat IRL (at least I think that on a good recovery day.) I know thin women with eating disorders bemoan the fact they are fat. I do have sympathy for them because they are really saying they hurt because they cannot meet the cultural ideal. They turn this understanding into self hate and hurt themselves to fit the ideal. I do have compassion for these women having an ED myself but it is also important to acknowledge there is a big difference between being fat and feeling fat.

    I am trying to teach my daughter that people come in all shapes and sizes and it only matters because society says it matters and uses it to judge the worthiness of women. The BMI is not a pronouncement of a person's worth. I also try to let her know that food is just food. I don't want her using it like I do and have done in the past. I so hope that I am doing the right thing for her and she doesn't end up with a long term ED like me. I also want her to value herself and others as people, not bodies on a continuum of desirability and morality. I want her self esteem to come from within rather than her position on the scale of beauty.

    I know comments from thin women and inbetweenies are not always taken seriously because fat people think we do not understand because we have had thin privilege to whatever degree out bodies are deemed acceptable. I have not had all your experiences but I have had some hurtful ones of my own and I fully believe in FA and HAES. Certainly we can have differences but there is no need for thin and fat women to see each other as antagonists. Body bashing is always hard for me to hear because to me it is criticism of the femal body itself.

    I do realize that readers may think this only applies to middle class white women but to me SA goes beyond the thin white woman cultural ideal.

    If we as a society (and I think it will take a long time) can accept fat white women and go beyond that to accepting all fat people everyone will benefit just a little. I am thinking of health care with this example. The health system is also classist and racist and fat is factored highly into the equation. If health care professionals can accept that a fat body can be healthy and that we do not have as much control over our weight as we think, fat people, especially those who are short changed by the medical profession, will have one less stigma and there will be one less reason to blame the victim. Fat has become the code for poor, ignorant, lazy etc. and it is yet another way that society brands a person as undesirable and unworthy.

  • anne731

    I am a size 12 in US sizes, but I am 5 feet 1 inch and weigh about 170 pounds. I am overweight by medical standards, obese by others. I am constantly being accepted as fat by some, and told I am not fat by others. I may not be “fat enough”, but I identify with the FA community and like the message about body acceptance over all. I walk about 5 miles everyday and try to watch what I eat, the pounds just don't come off. This is where I should be and it is where I will likely stay.

  • lilacsigil

    I say something like, “Don't hate your body, think of all the good things it does for you!” Refusing to engage in the fat/not-fat body shaming dynamic usually results in a quick change to a different conversation entirely.

  • http://www.steampunkerie.com/ Omega

    Can I just go a bit fangirl here for a moment? Frances, you are all kinds of awesome, and the fact you read and commented on my ravings has made me very happy :)

  • http://www.steampunkerie.com/ Omega

    I guess that's part of it though, isn't it.. it seems as though anyone who uses “THE EFF WORD” to describe themselves is under suspicion of indulging in a “shaming dynamic”…. and who is actually using it as a neutral descriptor and who is just berating themselves is up for debate.

    We can all agree that the size 6 girl is doing this shaming thing. But where's the line??!

  • lilacsigil

    I try to use “fat” as a descriptive term and I know a lot of other people do, too. Some people use the word “fat” to shame themselves and others for daring to exist in an actual body; and I think that the FA community, in reclaiming that word as descriptive, sometimes do the exact reverse. They use “not fat” as a shaming tool for daring to exist in a smaller body. And by smaller, I mean smaller than size ***. Fill in whatever you like for ***! Both ways, it's used to define and shame actual women, so I think the best thing to do is to avoid being pejorative – in any way – about other people's bodies. Challenge the pejorative use of “fat” and “not fat (enough)” equally!

  • emilylzbth

    I think anyone trying to quantify oppression is making a huge mistake. So saying someone isn't “fat enough” to qualify for the fat acceptance movement feels silly. Why would we ostracize people who have the same pain as we do, and are willing to stand up with us and fight the bullshit culture gives us about weight? Sometimes I wish it was a more broadly inclusive body acceptance thing, rather than JUST for fatties, even though I am one and no one would dare call me not fat enough (size 24-28, depending.) But seriously, everyone's idea of fat is a little different but if someone chooses to self-identify by fat, that's their own choice. But even if they don't identify as fat, they can still identify with the need to accept their own bodies as they are and be allies for those of us that are oppressed based on size. I think everyone living in westernized culture has come into contact with a lot of body shaming and so forth, and I think everyone can identify with wishing they would be at more peace with their bodies. I think things like Heath At Every Size could be beneficial to, as it says, every size. Not just size “fat.” I personally welcome anyone who wants to be a part of fat acceptance with open arms.

  • http://www.steampunkerie.com/ Omega

    Awesome comment, but I simply can't resist.. “Heath at any size”? This is just one step behind “HeathCLIFF at any size” which is another initiative I could get right behind…

    (Cue Kate Bush Music Here)

    Seriously though – I think you have hit the nail right on the head here. :)

  • emilylzbth

    HAHAHA. Typos are my specialty, thanks. XD

    And thank you! It's hard to coherently put together my thoughts about this as I am also new-ish to fat acceptance. I'm glad y'all are blogging about it… I think reading everyone else's thoughts helps me process my own. :)

  • http://corpulent.wordpress.com/ Frances

    Aw, Omega! You're going to make me blush. I like your ravings. <3

  • http://corpulent.wordpress.com/ Frances

    Yeah, I've heard about them. I spied some in Myer but they were like crop tops made out of lace (bras are NOT meant to go up that high, blech). I'll have to have a hunt around for different styles by them.

  • badu

    Exactly, whilst I've got absolutely no time for the churlishness of the attitude that is sometimes brought into play. Nobody can know what it is like to be out there at end of the scale. Where very little takes you into account.

    I also think the attitude of whinning from those who are more mainstream fat is pathetic, I feel lucky not to be on the edge, acknowleging those differences is not something to feel anything but fortunate about. It's not some kind of insult.

    Having said that, I must say there are plenty of people bigger people who have never and would never contemplate hating or disliking themselves in any way. So distress is by no means linear, it's just that the bigger you are, the more chance you have of meeting extreme reactions.

  • sserum

    Well talk about giving me a complex. I'm a size 12/14 and I feel like I've “come home” in FA. I've been larger, I've starved myself smaller and I've been lectured by the doctor. I'm “overweight” according to the BMI and not far from “Obese.” But mostly, I identify myself as fat. It's always been a derogatory self-image, and the idea of reclaiming it is beautiful to me.

  • http://pansecrets.tumblr.com/ Fae Teardrop

    i have the same problem being a large 18, small 20….but in saying that, my mum has basically said ever since i was size 16 that i was fat & not in a positive way…..it's interesting how people perceive things differently….i'm only jus beginning to be positive about my size :) i have no problem with being any size now, as long as i'm healty :)

  • Cat

    Wow! This is a really interesting topic. It's also very tricky. A lot of it has to do with body image. There's girls (oops, women!) who believe that they are fat when they're sitting on a size 12, and they truly believe that. Or the woman who believes she's fat at when she has to shop at Options Plus at Target. No matter what people tell us, it is what we think in our heads that really counts. The focus should be on whether or not someone is happy AND healthy rather on some random dress size that was generated by designers who play with measurements. There it is, that's my rant!

  • Michelle B

    I understand where you are coming from. I shop at Target and have to go to the plus size section, but at Torrid I have to ask for smaller sizes. I have never been told I am not “fat enough”, but bigger girls do look at me with hate on their faces when I talk about being plus sized. Most people don't know that I weigh almost 250 pounds because I am so tall and hide it well, but I feel every single ounce of it when I try to shop for cute small lingerie or when I go to the mall where the skinny bitches hang out. (BTW, when I say 'skinny bitches' I don't mean skinny women in general, I mean the women who are skinny and act like bitches because of it)