A Fat Bride Survival Guide

When I got married I was a fat bride. In fact, I was fat when I got engaged – I was even *gasp* fat when Nick and I met! Despite having a well established, recognised and loved body shape before getting married I copped a huge amount of pressure to lose weight in the lead up to the wedding. For some reason, I had it in my head that my wedding day would be a celebration of love and happiness between Nick and I however it seemed that foolish me had little idea of the true wedding agenda – basically some kind of reality tv show where the ugly duckling turns gorgeous siren.


Wedding Mosaic

There would be no end of helpful clicks and tuts on hand to whip me into shape (I maintain that rectangular with bumps is a shape, dammit) for my reveal, wait, wedding day. My hairdresser at the time barely let her congratulations fly past her lips before she’d cornered me and asked how much weight I was losing. She lost the job. Bridal stores have ALL KINDS of euphemisms for asking about your weight loss plans. My favourite was the ever so polite “Now, are we planning on losing or gaining any weight for the big day?” Not to mention the hushed murmurings of “big girl”, “solid build”, “flattering” and “voluptuous”. You know what? I walked out of all of those places. I wanted a bunch of supportive people helping me look even more fancy on my wedding day, not a wake of frowny-faced vultures picking over the fat girl.

I wanted to share a few things that helped me survive as a fat bride, because if you’re not used to speaking up it really can be intimidating and upsetting. I had a crystalline vision of how I wanted to look on my wedding day and I wasn’t ashamed of my body, nor did I have plans to change it consciously before the date. Being somewhat blunt and quite confident, I had few real issues with the barrage of concerned but unhelpful people who just wanted me to look fabulous when I got married. I understood that they were coming from a mindset held by most brides, a world where a slimmer bride must be the more beautiful bride, but I was not convinced of that – as I suppose most of the Axis of Fat readership is!

  1. Come out as fat to all of the people involved in your wedding party.

    Lay down some ground rules when it comes to your body – i.e.: it’s none of your business. I also told my bridesmaids that I would not entertain negative body talk during the fittings. If they waited until I was out of the room, that was fine but I didn’t want dress fittings to be railroaded by unproductive and negative discussion!

  2. Look at some real life weddings.

    Offbeat Bride is still one of my favourite wedding sites because there are so many different bodies all happy, celebrating and looking great! Glossy magazines are fine, but if you don’t want to have a traditional western wedding you’ll be left feeling empty! There are heaps of wedding blogs out there to help you with ideas for garments, decorations, themes and locations.

  3. Talk about your ideas with your wedding party.

    This is especially important when it comes to garments. Different bodies like to wear different things!

  4. Bridal stores generally carry two sizes in “try on” dresses – 10 and 18.

    I think I only went to one store, where I definitely did not fit in the 18. I figured that if they were going to assume that they could just grade a smaller sized pattern up to “fit” me, then they could go jump.

  5. Investigate a dressmaker.

    The WeddingThis is what I did – my mother and I asked an assistant at a  local fabric shop for her recommendations and she gave us the phone number of the amazing Gloria, a couture seamstress and pattern designer. Gloria only took petite and plus sized clients, and had incredible pattern drafting skills which she used to outfit women who didn’t fit within mainstream sizing. Instant brownie points! Working with Gloria was a great experience – I had designed my dress but with her guidance we made it epic! We also designed the bridesmaid dresses in such a way that the design would be adapted for each of the girls’ personalised slopers (a sloper is like a basic pattern created to fit your measurements). I wanted my sisters and my friend to feel special on the day, with a gorgeous dress that they felt great in.

  6. If a vendor bothers you about losing weight, drop them.

    If you feel up to it, you can always say something like “I’m not planning on losing weight for my wedding”. You don’t need to  sass them back, or come back with a quip that will make them regret ever saying anything to you. You don’t have time for that, and you’ll feel rotten afterwards. Focus on your main goal – getting this theatrical monster of a wedding on the road.

  7. Listen to people, but don’t forget that you are the authority on your body.

    Plenty of bridal (and plain old everyday fashion) assistants have plenty of things to say on what’s “flattering” or “suitable”. There seems to be a metric buttload of rules and regulations and if you bother following all of them you’ll basically wave goodbye to any sense of individuality. If you really want to wear a dress that’s cut a certain way, ask the assistant or the dressmaker if there’s something close if they absolutely veto your first choice (or, dump them). Tell them why you want your neckline just like so. Be assertive and use “I statements” – “I feel confident when I have cap sleeves” or “I feel really gorgeous in a strapless dress”. Push for what you want, or else you’re having someone else’s wedding.

  8. Wear comfortable shoes that fit you correctly.

    Most wedding days go on for 12 hours – you don’t want to be wearing unsupportive shoes that make you snarl. Alternatively, take your damn shoes off. I did that, because my gorgeous Italian sling backs kept slipping off! Unfortunately I also stood in dog poo, but uh… what can you do when you can’t see your feet let alone half a metre in front of you?

  9. You don’t have to wear the garter belt.

    I really did not want Nick to dig through my skirts and pull a rotten scrunchy off my thigh, only to throw it to his mates. The whole idea grossed me out. What I did was arrange to slip it to him with my magical sleight of hand during the whole garter toss show. I was going to pin it inside my skirt, but I didn’t get a chance! Of course, if you hate this part of the reception  – nix it. You’re not really beholden to anyone to include anything on your wedding day besides the bits required by law during your ceremony!

  10. Have fun!

    After months of planning, your wedding day should be when you take the pressure down. If you’ve been true to yourself and your relationship, you should be feeling completely at ease – surrounded by all the people who love you and wish you well.

Do any other fat brides (nay, fat grooms!) have tips? I’d love to read them – post a comment!

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  • ErisDiscordia

    I just have to say–that dress is AMAZING and you look amazing in it.

    I too was a fat bride. I didn't hear any fuss about it, though–I had planned too weird a wedding for anyone to bother with the size of my behind. We threw a medieval / Renaissance-ish wedding in my grandmother's backyard in rural south Alabama and invited our guests to come in costume. Everyone was so impressed with each other's costumes, nobody had time to gossip about the fatty up front!

    Also, I used no vendors, which probably made it better–everyone brought a covered dish, one of my bridesmaids made their dresses, my mom's friend made my dress, the groom's and groomsmen's outfits were EBayed, my new mother-in-law took care of the flowers, and I printed invites and favors myself. Plus we pulled it all off for way less than the average wedding–if we spent $3000 in total I'll eat my hat.

  • Bonnie

    One of the most important things to me was to have a photographer who didn't mention my weight. He didn't focus on making me look thin, he focused on making my beautiful self look even better. He was proud enough of one of my bridal portraits that he used it in his advertising. I loved it!

  • definatalie

    That's a really good point, and one I overlooked because one of my friends did the photography!

  • definatalie

    Your wedding sounds like a hugely successful collaboration! It's amazing that everyone pulled together to create such a great day. If I could have done half of what you did I would have been chuffed, because while I consider myself a bit of a DIY queen, there were things I didn't have the time or the skills to take on!

  • NoCeleryPlease


  • ErisDiscordia

    It's mostly thanks to my awesome mom–she even made the wedding cake!

  • SharonC

    Holey moley! How gorgeous are you and that dress!!!!

  • julia

    Wonderful post! Congratulations!!

  • JLopezCostume

    I hope you got a copy of your sloper! Pattern manipulation isn't as hard as it seems, and if you walked away with a shell pattern, you really have a wardrobe at your fingers. If you ever need help with pattern stuff, don't be afraid to hit me up.

    I'm glad to see a bride for ONCE not wear a white gown! People say, “white is traditional” or “white means purity”. They're mostly wrong on the first count and hella wrong on the second. White only became traditional after Queen Victoria wore it, and it certainly doesn't mean purity. Most early “white” wedding dresses were off white. The first wedding dresses were any color of the best dress the bride owned, and veils were red, yellow, or orange in color.

  • mezzosherri

    TOTALLY bookmarking this post as I start planning my own wedding! Thanks so much….

  • mara

    i Loved this post.
    And, natalie, your wedding was beautiful.

  • catgal68

    I was a fat bride. Somehow it seemed defiant to me. I was fat, I was fat when I got engaged, and I was fat for most of my adult life. Why would I want to alter myself down to a particular weight or size? To look good in photos that will not look like me 10 years after my wedding day? I got married at my heaviest weight. In my head I walked down the isle “in full bloom” with an attitude that I was loved and found love for who I was not what I looked like. It was great!

    And yes, your dress is fantastic!

  • emilylzbth

    Thank you for posting this! I am soon to be engaged and I have been freaking out a little inside about getting married because my future in-laws are weight nazis.

    Also, you looked fucking AMAZING at your wedding. I saw those photos on flickr and had been wondering where the dress was from. I never would have guessed custom made by a seamstress! That's something I'll have to look into.

  • 1Sonya1

    Oh, I am reminded again and again how utterly fabulous your wedding was!

  • definatalie

    Oh Gloria was going to give me my sloper actually, but in all the excitement I forgot to ask her about it. She's no longer in the game either and might have moved across the state! I can draft my own basic patterns, and if I tried hard enough could probably recreate my sloper, but I just don't have time these days :D

    I was very adamant that I wouldn't wear white – I actually researched the history of white dresses and found out the same things! I never wear white usually, so why would I wear it on my wedding day? It just didn't make sense! Now I have a fabulous ball gown – but not enough balls to wear it to :P

  • definatalie

    Yes I definitely felt a little defiance in being a fat bride!!
    And thank you :D

  • kathleenjoy

    Natalie you are such a positive writer and your shining spirit is so clearly communicated in your posts – especially when you write with such confidence about your loving wedding.

  • heidi_lspooreeyorick

    Great post!

    If readers don't wish to create a dress from scratch with a dressmaker, I had a very good experience with my wedding dress.

    I wore a size 26 around the time I was married, and I happened to find a few stores that carried many different sizes of gowns, including many different ones in my own size. I tried on a bunch of silhouettes and found which ones I thought looked best on me. (Oddly enough, I didn't realize how much I'd like the strapless dresses.) Later, as I was looking at other dresses in other stores, I found one that was cut similarly to one I'd tried on before. It was gorgeous, and even though they didn't have it in my size, I knew it was the perfect dress for me. I ordered it, had it tailored to my measurements, and I loved it.

    I didn't have any negative experiences as a fat bride, but I do have one helpful recommendation. Some stores in the U.S. cut out the tags in their dresses, so you cannot comparison-shop online or elsewhere. But according to U.S. textile law, this is illegal! I carried around the book that gave me this information (an excellent resource called Bridal Bargains – highly recommended) and showed it to any store that refused to give me the information. “We don't have it,” they would say. (But as soon as you brought up the word “illegal” they found that dress information surprisingly quickly!)

  • Kath

    Not only does your wedding look fabulous and fancy, but it looks something I rarely see weddings look… relaxed. You and your entire wedding party all look completely natural in the glamour looks you are sporting.

    WHEN I get married, I shall be taking a leaf out of your book m'dear!

  • Kristie

    THAT DRESS! You, and it on you, are gorgeous!!

    I wish I'd had the creativity (and the guts) to have considered a beautiful red dress for my wedding, oh so many years ago. I was 22, and it was all pretty much by the book. I was a boring 22-year-old. I did, however, have my white, size 16ish dress custom made for me, and it was beautiful, so I'm also for having your dress made.

  • Candice

    Awesome tips! That's pretty much how I tried to be for my wedding (except I did put up with some of the other's negative body talk, mainly because I find it so exhausting to constantly tell them they look fine … but I tried).

    But I said from the start that I wasn't going to lose weight and I went to the same woman to tailor my dress who has taken my clothes both in and out for over a decade now. She wasn't about to say anything and is very matter of fact. I wore kitten heels for the ceremony and pictures and Converse for the reception.

    It was MY wedding day, dammit… and I was going to be happy and comfortable. Period. And no one could ensure that was the case more than me, so I made sure of it.


  • Shinob

    Your wedding looks like it was gorgeous!!!!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!

  • Ariel

    Love love LOOOOVE this — and not just because of the Offbeat Bride shout out. :) I'm totally going to feature this post on OBB in a couple days. I think my readers will love it.

  • chaos2003

    So inspiring!! I had the epiphany a few years back that if I continued thinking “Fat” was a negative word and attribute that I would always feel negative about myself. I've come to love myself and my shape…I'm a “Happy Fat Person!” I also knew I didn't want to loose weight for the wedding, my fiancee proposed to me-just the way I am. If he's happy with my body that makes me more than happy.

    Fortunately I didn't run into vedors having a problem with my weight; however, my mother has been my issue. I am more than happy for her, she lost over 100lbs in a years time by changing her eating habits and exercising. I've had to tell her many times that I'm not ready to do that nor do I have the money to do that. Let's face it, healthy food is costly! And gym memberships can be outrageous! I will admit that I am making a conscious effort to start living a “healthier” lifestyle but I am not trying to loose weight. I've always been a fat girl and it took me years to get over many depressions and a lack of self-confidence to become who I am today.

  • Alyce

    I saw your pix when you were on OBB – so lovely! Congratulations on pulling off the wedding you wanted.

    I had a terrible experience with a famous bridal boutique (this was, erm, 11 yrs ago) and wish that I had had the courage to say something and not just burst into tears. That experience aside, my wedding was delightful. And the dress not too shabby either.

    If you have the patience to click thru to #27 of 35, I am the one in the top right hand corner:

  • Dootsie

    I've been wringing my fingers and biting my nails for weeks about the whole bridal experience.
    I got my dress at Goodwill, but I really want to redo the whole top. I've been so nervous about finding a tailor to work with. I was so dreading trying to find a tailor whose eyes didn't gog at being asked to work for a plus-sized woman. I've heard horror stories, and I just can't do it.
    But you're right. If someone can't deal with me, I'm not going to deal with them. Plain and simple.

  • Liz P.

    I love you. :) This post made me smile with glee – your humor and tips are priceless.

  • rabbia

    THANK YOU!! I had a beautiful wedding & why, one may ask .. because I was done listening to anyone. Its the day that I “gifted” my friends & family with a invition to witness the coming together of our worlds. No negitivity needed thank you. I agree no need to pay someone to treat you like that.

  • Janice

    Absoulutely beautiful wedding! You were a gorg bride and now I am sure wife! Love the red with your dark hair, the accessories like the parasol rock. I would love to see more photos of your wedding.


  • silv190909

    Totally agree with #1. Had my sister in hand to keep my mom's “helpful” criticism at bay during the dress fitting. I think being up front and honest about what you want and don't want to be said is best for everyone involved. Hit the 1month to go mark today. Haven't lost a pound. Don't intend to. I know I'll look fabu in my dress and the only one that matters is going to faint when he sees me. Can't wait :) Thanks for the positivity.

  • ddremley

    Great post. As someone who used to work on the other side of the fence as a bridal salon sale girl, I just wanted to comment on a few things.

    1. A good bridal salon will NEVER ask you how much weight you plan to loose when ordering your dress. It should always be ordered in the size you are then. If you from reason you do loose weight before the wedding, a dress can be taken it fairly easily. However, it is much more of a nightmare (and much more costly sometimes) to have a dress let out to make it a size or two large. Any shop that asks that is being either stupid or snarky. Leave at once.
    2. A good salon will also have a variety of sample dresses in a variety of SIZES. Ideally they will have the basic styles (ballgown, A-line, mermaid, etc) in each size range. So maybe the only sample of the dress you like is in a size 2, but they should have simliarly cut dress in a 22 so you can at least get an idea of how the cut looks on you.
    3. Sad but true, a lot of dress manufacturers charge extra for plus sizes. So when looking at smaller sizes on the rack, keep in mind the that price of the dress on the tag may be a couple hundred more in your size (once again a good salon will note this on the tag). Because of this and depending on the dress it might be more economical to go with a custom made dress.

    P.S. Your dress is gorgeous!

  • Danae1

    You are soo right about white! i dont wear white any other time, dont have the colouring to carry it off and having had 4 children i could hardly pass as 'virginal' ;-) )

    The red is FABULOUS- you look FABULOUS in it!

    I am wearing green to my wedding (even though the rellies keep giving me grief about it).

  • Liz

    Thank you for this post – found it on Offbeat Bride – and I could give you a huge hug and kiss. Thank you. I feel so much better now.

  • Brandi Kembro

    WOW!! This was an amazing post! I'm a size 14 and I just got engaged so I haven't tried a single dress on… I come from a big family with two older sisters the oldest who's married ask how much weight I wanna lose I told her none I'm not buying a dress to fit into…Its to fit me!… Thank you so much for this very inspiring and she and the bridesmaids looked stunning!!!

  • x C

    love your article. u look gorgeous.
    I am less than two weeks out from my wedding date. A few days ago at the gym I have been attending for the last six months or so I have a personal trainer (not mine, i dont have one!) tell me that I wouldnt look good in time for my wedding with only two weeks to go. I told the trainer I wasnt planning on losing weight and wasnt uphappy with my current shape and that I had bigger priorities 2 weeks out from my wedding!!
    Its upseting that some people are so closed minded about what a bride has to look like.

  • slyviolet

    Thank you so much for writing this. I was a fat girlfriend, am a fat fiancée, and will soon be a fat bride. Whether this will change in the future, I don't know, but I do know that I am not going to stress myself to lose weight for any external goal, not even my wedding. If and when I lose weight, it is going to be for personal and internal reasons.

    One other piece of advice that I would make is to be very choosy about your wedding photographer as well. A lot of photographers just don't seem to know how to photograph larger women in ways that are flattering but not unintentionally frustrating… For example, it's easy to photograph from slightly above and only photograph the face and get flattering angles on full-figured women, but why on earth would you want wedding photos that do not show your gorgeous outfit? I made sure to do serious research and to find a photographer whose portfolio showed me that they were not only well-acquainted with a diversity of body shapes and sizes, but also that it wasn't going to be an issue before, during, or after the event.

    Another thing that some people might not think of is wedding jewelry — I have a larger neck than average, and I wasn't able to find any standard jewelry that was going to give me the nice neckline that I wanted. I recommend looking at some of the excellent online sources for independent jewelry makers, and finding out what their rates are for custom work. Lengthening existing pieces doesn't always work, just like scaling up clothing designs doesn't always work… If the design is scaled for a smaller neck, adding chain won't necessarily result in a good look. (Not to toot my own horn, but I've included a link to my own jewelry design sites: and ) Personally, I'm planning on making my own jewelry.

  • Ruth

    Despite myself, I worried about letting my fat fly… but in the end I'm glad I wore what I wanted, even though it was a strapless gown that showcased my big arms. Really, the more you try to hide your “flaws”, the worse you will look. I've seen big girls in gowns that cover them from head to toe in an effort to hide their bulges. It doesn't work, and it doesn't look flattering. You shouldn't pick your dress based on what it hides.

  • India Emlyse

    You are absolutely amazing! Don't know when I've seen a prettier bride- 'big boned' or otherwise! Thanks so much for this amazing post!

    For the record, I'm 5'6'' and weigh 140- and I was asked how much weight I planned on losing for my wedding- by my soon to be mother-in-law! After months of planning and two weeks before the big day, my ex-fiance said that perhaps his mother was right- and I called off the 'big day' right then. To hell with that! You, and all women- including myself- deserve to be loved for their soul, for their inner and outer beauty, for their curves, for the muscle and the sinew and the strength of their character, not for some misguided ideal that says only petite little flower-esque women are beautiful!


    My advice is simple- love yourself, the way you are, and know that you are simply amazing.

  • Kristin Hawkins

    Thnk you so much for writting this

  • ania

    Coming here from Offbeat Bride, I have to say you look absolutely gorgeous in that perfect dress! Love your post and your thoughtfulness re your bridesmaids, and I think your post should be read by everybody disregarding size/shape. :)

  • tumblebum

    You are beautiful and I wish you and your man a long and happy marriage. I wish more people where like you – confident and comfortable with themselves. I especially love your decision not to 'entertain negative body talk' Smashing!

  • vampress_kat77

    I love your attitude.
    My wedding plans started as a mess. I got sick of going to stores looking at the perfect dress, instead of the perfect dress for me. I ended up ordering online (ebay of all places) from a place which makes the dress when you send them the picture. I waited (breath held) for it to arrive. Aaarrgghh! I cried when I tried it on…horrible!!
    Luckily, I found an awesome set of gals at a local seamstress to fix and beautify it. They truly saved the day. I didn't want to 'fit' the stereotype wedding, so I had a short baby doll dress with ragged wisps at the hem and teamed it up with comfy white patent gogo boots!
    My husband and I agreed not to show the other what we were wearing until the day.
    It was awesome! He rocked up with the best man on our motorcycles wearing a long black leather coat and creeper boots….looking gorgeous! (I knew I was marrying him for a reason). :)
    As for the vendors…my tip is…listen to people! Get referrals for the people you use.
    My florist was a referral, and she was amazing, so much so, that I have now become one!!!
    My hairdresser is my goto for everything. She closed the salon for us for the day and put on wine and nibbles.
    My make-up place was horrid. Had never been there or spoken to amyone who had. They did whatever they wanted, caked it on and didn't use waterproof mascara when we specifically asked for it. Ugghh! (I'm a sook at weddings)
    You look amazing in the pics. Kudos for looking like who you really are!

  • kpo

    Natalie thank you so much for posting this! Your wedding dress is gorgeous and it looks like a fairy-tale day! there is no way i am going to postpone marrying the love of my life just to lose some weight…I have been reading Offbeat Bride for awhile now for inspiration for just the same reasons, neither of us is traditional, and i'm not the usual girl who is trying to drop 40 pounds just for some photographs. i don't know if i could even if i tried lol! i was searching Offbeat with the term “full-figure” and nothing came up, then i logged on today and found a link to your blog!

    I'm lucky i can make my own dress, but I'm so glad you mentioned to people to look for someone to make it for them. Just because we are “heavier” doesn't mean we aren't beautiful and everyone deserves a beautiful dress. A lot of the ready-made styles just aren't flattering. I know as a seamstress i make things for people that don't fit into ready-to-wear sizes because it's just not fair. and i agree, i don't want someone taking a garter off me, no matter what size i am. jeesh!

  • sara

    You look fantastic in your pics and I love your attitude!

  • Kate

    You + that dress= OMG so fabulous! You look gorgeous and I love, love, love the black and white floor and the croquet! Was this by chance an Alice in Wonderland wedding? Just curious. Beuatiful! and great, super encouraging post. Thank you and congrats!

  • CarlaY

    I love your wedding! It's great to see someone basically giving the finger to morons that think you could only have a beautiful wedding IF you are the size of a twig. I would love to feature your wedding over on my blog. Maybe even twist your arm to be a guest blogger from time to time?

  • Sweetlethe

    It's really validating to read this.

    After battling my weight for, well, most of my life – or at least since I was old enough to realize I lived in a society where “fat” almost always meant “unattractive” – I lost 60 pounds a couple of years ago. Yay me! Except then I found it again. Just in time for my wedding. (There you are! You were hiding in the cheese drawer ALL THIS TIME!)

    Instead of losing 15 pounds for the wedding, I gained them, and now have mild flutterings of panic that the modesty panel on my gown may not be quite up to the Herculean task of hiding my delicious round rump.

    I have 16 days, and plan to be reasonably strict with myself justy to ensure the dress fits. But I've stopped beating myself up about the fact that I'm round. I am marrying someone incredible. Someone who is the best man i've ever met. Someone who met me when I was pretty plump, and who still loves me now. All of me. Even the wobbly bits.

    I am not going to look like one of those girls in the glossy magazines. Even looking through them at the beginning of our engagement was hell, staring at wispy sheaths of satin into which I estimated I could fit exactly one thigh. (How is a larger girl supposed to plan out what she wants to wear, when the dresses featured are for women with flawless bodies? Ye gods.)

    I had imagined I'd be slender and svelte for my wedding day… except then I realized I was buying into the same mania that causes otherwise-perfectly-rational women to panic over the size of rose blooms and matching monogramed napkins. People who spend more time planning their wedding than their marriage.

    Reading your posting about being determined to be positive, and feel glamorous and sexy, and REFUSING to hear negative speak while you were looking for a dress (you GO, girl!) reminded me that I am allowed to do that, too. Which I already mostly knew, but it's really good to get a reminder every once in a while.

    Also, your crimson dress is outrageously lush. You look like a delicious ripe raspberry, waiting to be savored.

    Rock on.

  • Lanimoz

    This is wonderful! I am passing this along to all the brides to be that I know! Focus on the love, not the external pressures. YOUR DRESS IS GORGEOUS and so are you!

  • cambriana

    Thank you, thank you thank you! It's about time us big girls spoke up on this subject! We get married too! I think some people forget that or figure we'll never “find someone” until we make ourselves thinner.
    I don't really have any tips other than to remember that you should never allow yourself to be treated differently than any other bride. Until we stop keeping our heads down and acting like whipped pups, the outside world will continue to think its ok to treat us like some unknown species.

  • Ariel
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